'Trans Kids' on Facebook - Linguistics of Grief

 The Linguistics of Grief

Please see also Trans Kids on Facebook - We Are Your Peer Support, You Are Killing Your Child 

I have a question for the architects of the transgender tipping point:

Did you make 'deadname' a common phrase - in fact there is no other term as far as I'm aware - with the intention that it would make any talk of pre-transition, pre-fabrication, completely taboo and unacceptable to speak about?

I am fully aware of the hyperbole employed and enjoyed by trans activists, but the implication is the original person was a deceased ancestor, who is as separate to the new identity as life is to death. Even worse, it is a taboo-ridden, long deceased ancestor who is symbolic of pain you can never know. 

And even if the trans identified person in question doesn't see it as such, you better tread carefully speaking about their past identity. It could trigger others.

Would they have chosen such a term in a culture where death wasn't shrouded in secrecy? Where death is spoken of and not feared and the bereaved aren't dodged like sentient compounds of the volatile, combustible and collapsible?

Because now, the obvious choice of words and phraseology not only following on from but as stand alone euphemisms - trans widow, for example - are taken apart by livid inquisitors who rail against a transition now framed as a blossoming, in an un-ironic, literal translation.

So, one newly formed transwoman goes on a national newspaper to rail against the terminology used by trans widows, under the banner of them being a real widow - to another transwoman who tragically committed suicide.

This was a long distance, short relationship that never included marriage or cohabitation.

Still, don't pick holes, remember your place - they dictate the language.

Whether that be words for them you use (pronouns, 'woman' etc); words for you they insist you use (cis, cervix-owner, chestfeeder); words only they can use (qu**r, f*g, tr@nny) irrespective of how the victims of homophobic abuse feel; or terms and phrases they introduce to our cultural vernacular, it goes one way, alright? 

You do not get to create your own even when they fit perfectly with the imposed terminology. You do not get an opinion.

I wonder why the 'majority of trans spouse support groups and up devolving into this mentality'? Could these women have legitimate cause to be angry and hurt?

According to the woman above, the partners of transitioning people are unaffected.

On trans support Facebook, one woman apparently didn't read the rules (which are presumably something about the inferiority of the 'cis' and their trail of cis-superiority)

It didn't go well:

It's seemingly always about respect and compassion. If these aren't front, centre and comprising the whole, it's all washed away in a condemnation of hate, phobia, ignorance and selfishness. Your feelings come last. After every possible bystander and eavesdropper. Don'tyou trigger them.

So let's have a look at the parental grief of children designated 'trans' and how their pain is accommodated in trans support groups.

Here's one anecdote I consider to be grade A bullshit comprised only of smug ego-grooming, narcissism and a total lack of self awareness: 

Where else can a young person be applauded for a fantasy story of being an judgemental, abusive prick to a sad mother, putting them up for the night?

____

The Mother

Well, I don't want you to read this while standing or operating machinery, as it may come as a shock: Women are treated with the most distain - especially those insufferable, dull, vanilla mothers who display reluctance in joyful acceptance and celebrating their on-trend, trans kid. Those  mothers.

Here is one; she is trying her best, not yet aware that only drone-like parroting and apologetic grovelling will be acceptable;

At first, some sympathy (albeit coated in a thick layer of 'your child is not confused / you will accept this' and baked in the oppressive heat of faith in trans ideology)

Which is swiftly, frequently and brutally opposed by the moderators.

Here is the moderators comment in full;

And from there it gets into more posturing:

You are and are not X, Y, Z. As told by a 20 something 'queer' with green hair

The mother responds with heartbreaking gratitude and apparently a continued faith in the group's wisdom and her ignorance, and is immediately slapped back down with the warning about speaking on her own feelings;

Now, the story that the child was never her 'deadname'. This woman never had a daughter. She has just discovered her hitherto daughter was a son, presumably flattened under the oppressive weight of 'his' mother's expectations. She's no valid right to grieve, she's lucky 'he's' still here.

I can't imagine a more cruel gaslighting

 

Don't be your child's first bully! 

Here are some terrifying statistics (utter lies) and a bullshit analysis. Obey us or plan your child's funeral. Oh, and get over yourself.

 

Ahh, the reality check from people who believe an adolescent girl can discover she is a boy, and her mother must instantly accept it. 

In this version of material fact, grieving is 'commonly associated' with death, which is some top notch insight. Now this means it's bad to grieve, because also it's the happiest time of their life (?) and the selfishness of grief will be noticed.

Simultaneously deadname is a term and she can not like all she likes, but better tell her face otherwise.

Meditate on the child. Force your brain to rewire, wash away you cis-pectation with endless repetition that will set them up to expect the same obedience from everyone else. 

This woman hits it out of the park with her championship bum-suckery. It's plain as day the bad mum's problem is down to a lack of educating herself.

That this person is still placing the focus of the child, referring to her as him and  centreing her feelings makes no difference. Out comes that fastidious moderator again...

No gesture of sympathy must be allowed to escape the words of advice

Outrageously, two other parents add care reacts. One is removed. 

Applause: 'Legendary'. 'Martyrs'.

You must live only through a benign, vicarious trans joy. Although presumably that would require dousing with frequent stories of suicide. Got to keep that energy just right.

The moderator can't allow this, the bare hint of 'cis' expression.

Of course, it is extremely harmful.

'I was just trying to be gentle' - but that isn't allowed. Also, FtM might be 'triggering'

Anything can be triggering, in fact. The words are now spinning plates of subculture, every revolution bringing about another terminology and making another, former one a hateful, triggering slur.

For example, a woman uses the acronym AFAB. This is triggering and is basically informing the group of her child's genitals;

Wow this woman responded so perfectly. She must have won today's competition disguised as support group. 

'Deadname was Deadme' Your child has just taken their first breathe, and here you are, bitching?

Oh but actually, and unfortunately, this new life isn't going so well. But Trans Joy* remember?

Transition cannot fail; it can only be failed 

The aim is to leave people questioning. Almost like they desire, need, someone to be interested in them, isn't it?

In this version the mother is unreasonable and possibly creepy for caring about what genitalia the child has, as if these are poised to change any moment.

Also, she has nothing to grieve. One has to assume the horrific time supposedly endured by all trans people all day is not for her to worry about either - that would be negative. 

My burning instinct is to tell this woman - this mother doing her absolute best in a society almost entirely captured by an incoherent, harmful and overwhelmingly narcissistic ideology - this; 

There could be another way. That there is another way. These people are talking shit, their idea of what's enabled them to live their true self* and be truly alive is making them suicidal, and they still hold out this is the only option.

That she is clearly a loving mother with legitimate concerns, but this group is the podium of insufferable, indoctrinated oddballs wielding the only power they have; ideological faith.

The only advice this group will give is to instantly affirm, medicate and crush any sense of perspective outside of meaningless hashtag sloganeering. 

That she must, as a mother worthy of the term, entirely bottle up any grief and fear, deal with it in private, out of the home, and fast. 

If I do this, I'll be removed as soon as you can say 'unsafe'. This is happening everywhere, and it needs exposing.

This group is run by a decidedly snap-happy MtF who strives to educate the public on their area of expertise (real and valid self alignment with large, prosthetic breasts and frequent selfies in low cut, leg-flashing attire) being 'mother' to several kids, one of whom's coming out as trans spurred on their own self acceptance. Largely, this advocacy work is done by hectoring others with angry 'sit down!' rants and bitter tales of their ex wife.

This trans identified female is furious her mother has spoken of her grief. Here is the advice;

Understandably, to those who aren't narcissistic warriors of the new truth*, one mother takes offence at the ruthless assault on mother's endemic to the group;

Considering other's needs is what any decent mother would do. Always. Constantly. To the exclusion of all else (especially her own feelings)

The irony of a much younger, brainwashed and simple young person telling a grown woman to respect her elders is lost.

All trans people are elders. They hold wisdom beyond our pitiful, cisnormative imagination.

Mod! We need the mod with their doctrine!

Gloriously, this woman is done with their spiteful superiority complex and tells them all to fuck off:

Which, obviously, is just her being a self pitying cow. 

Like lambs to the slaughter, another mother steps forward;

What audacity!

It's time for hysterical hyperbolic analogies 

This transman with no less than two trans children has had it:





☆☆☆☆

It's extremely difficult to know what to capture in the seemingly endless egregious examples of spite, competition and horrific stories. I feel though, this is important.
If your child has told you they are trans, do not go to these people.