MY JOURNEY TO THE CENTRE OF THE TERF
I am a TERF.
Or, a terf - It's not an acronym anymore, it's a cursed denouncement that renders the accused a social leper, and it's all our fault. We deserve no understanding - we oppress people; we cause deaths, we dog-whistle with hateful messages, coded in polite sounding conversations. We are infectious and insidious.
I think many of those on the side of the popular trans rights movement are unaware or in denial of the persistent abuse, threats and misogyny feminists face. Most people don't have a clue what's going on.
I cheered along once. I believed trans people were the most vulnerable, and under persistent attack. I hate reactionary discrimination. I hate bullying.
But over time, watching women being dog-piled, abused over entirely rational and compassionate statements.
I saw the sneering contempt of men, staking their political window display on being accepting while lecturing on feminism, insulated from the sharp end.
I discovered it was literally impossible to discuss the impact on women in any detail, the answers sounding painfully scripted and shockingly callous.
I had enough. And when I insisted I would talk about my fears, my experiences, I was met with fury, spite and disingenuous, laughably weak arguments that were apparently set in stone.
I was ghosted. I was shut down and ostracized, I saw true misogyny, dismissing cases of rape and sexual abuse, which is imperative to support Self ID.
The plain facts are, the rights of women as a distinct class have been under relentless assault; women have been egregiously slurred, harmed and harassed. Our voices have been silenced and parodied. Publications we once trusted depicted us as mad harridans; serious abuses were hushed up, met with laughter and more ostracism.
They- trans activists - will not talk to us. 'No Debate' has been a long held policy while backstage a political and ideological movement has had incredible implications on government and organisational policies; police; the courts; education and media.
"To anyone who spits the word TERF at a woman, there's no redemption, no hint of nuance or good faith can be applied to her. And if I say something that sounds reasonable, that's a serious, deep red flag - a trick"
I know this is pissing in the wind, for people who spit the word TERF at a woman, there's no redemption, no hint of nuance or good faith can be applied to her.
If I say something that sounds reasonable, that's a serious, deep red flag - a trick - and you should run screaming 'TERF!' into your every online account.
In my journey from being a supporter of trans activism to where I am now, I've got to know many more trans people than I ever did before. I know at least a dozen transwomen I can have deep, vulnerable conversations with, while activists arrogantly demand I meet a trans person.
My problem is not trans people. My problem is not people wanting to be treated as the opposite sex. I'll address you as you wish, but I won't tie myself in knots trying to navigate an ever expanding world of neo-pronouns, or prostrate for every slip. That really is too much of a petit bourgeois, hand-wringing, sphinctre-gazing, precious waste of time - especially for identities separated from physical reality which purely reaffirm stereotypes - e.g. 'I'm non-binary as I don't identify with femininity'. I mean, you're serious, aren't you? Fuck off with that astrological-woo shite. I have no ill-will towards you, and I imagine I might have identified that way too as a frightened, body-dysphoric kid who hated having breasts. But this is so regressive, and you are being played. Please stop expecting everyone to validate you - it only ever ends in tears.
Although they seem oblivious to it, there's a new role model for today's liberal feminist's - a pious and all-sacrificing ouch-kisser for the world's scraped knees, albeit stylised as some kind of freedom fighter with a few choice swears and a contrived, edgy profile pic.
Being 'kind' is what you are meant to be - it isn't activism or good work, it's simply knowing your place
You're required to shout loud and proud, 'Feminism is for everyone! Fuck the fash! Trans women are women!' and dismiss or laugh at the times 'inclusivity' ended in rape. It's not so tempting to me. In fact, for those liberal feminists reading this, I want to tell you now - no amount of martyrdom will gain you respect, you will always be secondary in your movement, stories and life, and it will never be used as mitigation if you put a foot wrong one day. Being 'kind' is what you are meant to be - it isn't activism or good work, it's simply knowing your place.
Try telling your bloke mates something they dont like, tell them they have no right to lecture you on feminism, call out some misogyny, don't apologise for it. See how that goes.
I'll be kind and considerate as much as I can, and if you call me out on something without trying to break and shame me, I will listen. But I cannot promise to agree. And, you should care enough for your own self respect to not want to make me.
I know the trope - TERFs are spiteful, malevolent liars; hateful, frigid and yet weirdly sex obsessed. We're white and highly privileged. We value ourselves as mothers, for our biology which we never even worked for. We code our 'talking points' and detect each other's by a cackle hidden in the words gender critical, biological, natural.
A bit like witches then. But actually, no... exactly like witches - hideous and old, muttering incantations under our fetid breath, shagging the devil in disgusting ritualistic displays. We selfishly grasp onto too much land, we harbour unexplainable power and wealth, we dont worship the right deity, we're unnatural (or too familiar with the supernatural) and unnerving.
To the fervent activist, isn't it a pity that your venture for whatever it is you want has had to dredge up 17th century misogyny? Do you ever wonder why that is? Why do you have to lie about us? Why do you frame us as the existential threat facing society?
Why do you constantly, wildly misrepresent our arguments and aims?
How free and empowered do you think you will become by trashing the category so many of you covet? Why do you want to join a category you think should have so little dignity and privacy and right to self defence? It's not the way transsexuals before you behaved. Why do you demand to be recognised as part of a group you so clearly despise unless they conform to your authoritarian ideology? You, the non-conformity champions?
The answer is in there, isn't it? The answer is because you don't consider trans women literally women, as you claim to. You say trans women are women when demanding the same sex rights and spaces, and you'll leave out the trans as much as possible - 'all women' etc. But you'll make damn sure that prefix is there in bold if it's in defence. When a trans woman is abused that's a hate crime, but actual women don't have those legal protections and err, well, who cares? The abuse directed at women you laughingly dismiss, you are incensed by if directed at a trans woman. Call a woman an ugly, mannish cunt - she deserved it. Say that to a trans woman and you should never work again, cunt. Women are fine; that's what you mean, you just can't say that without embellishment. But trans women - the murder rate! The oppression! The exclusion!* The struggle, hurdles, the hate! Or - Feminists and the lies they tell.
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| Phil here with some glorious bullshit. Whether Phil will consort with the lady dick is unknown at date of publication. |
To you, women are all too often hysterical about rape and assault, but it's trans women who could never survive being in a confined space with males.
But yeah, you're all feminists now anyway. Except for TERFs. You're just real feminists who don't obsess over the oppression based on our biology. Feminism is intersectional! Isn't it? Isn't that what we say these days?
What does intersectional mean? I guess it involves not being a selfish bitch, not griping over the really statistically insignificant number of rapists in sheep's clothing. But, even if it is statistically significant, even if it's overwhelming, that's not the point.
I guess that as a school of thought designed to study the oppression of black women who face layers of discrimination, it's a massive win to swing it round to situate males, normally white males, at the epicentre of feminism. Brilliant.
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Excellent work by Jameela here, studiously avoiding the point and breezily suggesting it doesn't matter how many women are raped in her brave new world, as long as Karen is included
*This principle does not apply to police*
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Let me speak to you giving you the benefit of the doubt, picturing you with entirely good faith. That obviously sounds derisively patronising, but it isn't meant to be. I was there once, too. I assumed that 'TERFs' must present a real threat to trans people. I pictured crazed, section 28-supporting right wingers, and I was too overwhelmed by the rules of engagement to have conversations, or to ponder on why it is women who are presented as the dark force.
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| That 'deep need for protection' is the only honest thing here. But for the highly educated, middle class, white and well-paid Alison, that in and of itself is a damnable thing |
The idea is women hold incredible power over men. False rape allegations is the nasty woman's nuclear weapon. Think of the horrific case of Emmet Till, see how Carolyn Bryant invoked heinous violence, torture, murder, enabled her men to be insane persecutors. That is where you are meant to be; picturing the innocent trans person, ignorant of the regressive norms and etiquette in their new environment, being wickedly lied about, set up, and punished for some fictional crime by the vicious guard dogs those women call sweetie. Women, standing behind men, prodding and whispering in their ears til the brutes lose all control. Women, standing behind those men, weaponising their jealousy, mobilising their brutish bodies against another; inciting, provoking and relishing the depravity with their hands and pinnies left unblemished.
See a story of a trans woman beaten up on the other side of the globe, just for using the toilet, and witness the new theories coming thick and fast. The stupid women who saw her and judged, they got scared, they thought they had a right to question and exclude. Yes, the violence was dealt by a man but why? Because women.
That's the idea. We might not get our hands dirty but my God we make sure someone does. It's the 'TERF rhetoric'. And really, the avid trans activist is just trying to stop this unhinged hatred. That's all. Because trans women are women, distinguished by vulnerability alone.
So it may come to you as a surprise, but you don't get much further from the Carolyn Bryants of the world than radical feminists. Male violence is never invoked as justice or protection by radical feminists, radical feminists normally are gender non-conforming, and a high number are lesbians. Male violence is exactly what they have always countered. You might find it difficult to believe you've been perpetuating these lies, but maybe think on it a while. I reckon you'll realise it's in there.
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| 'emmisions' |
It got there, it became, unwittingly, the supporting hypothesis because you're trying to do the right thing, and you're bombarded by the instructions.
Gradually, the propaganda slips in under the cognitive radar, because of the weight of the rest of the batshit, ridiculous ideas shoved down your throat, foie gras style.
This is conducted in a relatively clever way, by giving you glimmers of reward à la emoji love-bombing and some really tricky homework that boosts the morale but overloads you with fluffy, pseudo-esoteric bullshit. All under the guise of essential human rights.
It's a 'Dear allies, memorise these genders, acronyms and neo-pronouns or you too will be crushed, nazi scum' series of tasks set by infomercials (badly disguised as journalism in Pinknews, Autostraddle, Diva, LGBTQ Nation etc). It's a torrent, and you either learn the lines, or explain you're clueless. If clueless, you'll use copious caveats, display intense sympathy and deference, be armed with apologies and promises to read up, listen harder. If not, you are consigned to the black book of treasonous heathens, subject to a public flogging and rejected by your peers.
I thought I didn't understand what was meant by it all. I held on, I repeated the urban myth-mantras of the vulnerability, death rate and oppression. I was told to educate myself, and I did. And that's, as far as you are concerned, where I went wrong.
So, I began to ask questions and read. What I found was some really murky, nebulous theory dictated as if irrefutable, empirical fact. And not only that - to question in any detail, to note the contradictions or obvious fallacies was a serious offence. WATCH YOUR STEP they glowered, this is human dignity we're speaking of.
Aside from the theoretical certainty and immovable conviction was a brittle and rigid conceit. This edifice of condescension and grandiosity started to look not purposefully angry and focused, but shaky, fragile. It's not that these questions are a distraction - it's that you need a hell of a lot invested to accept the bullshit answers.
I saw an inability to answer anything from ideology to claims about statistics and events. The paddling, hidden under a facade of stoic evangelism was becoming clearer.
I slowly started waking up to the insanity. Despite being known by my friends as a bit of a bleeding heart, easily upset for people, I realised I was slowly being more and more limited in discussion, monitored, questioned on 'what exactly do you mean by..?' and given way less benefit of the doubt. Slowly I, as a woman who has experienced sexual abuse in childhood and adulthood, who developed a trauma response addiction and had a trans woman aggressively and intrusively claim their [my] rights, realised I was being censored. The trans woman, pre-treatment, who intimidated and unnerved many of us with no choice but to share our spaces and tiptoe around them, was not acceptable to discuss. I now had less right to dignity than a well loved, living-at-home-in-her-20s, middle class student. Why? Because she identified as queer, and felt she had the moral high ground to put me in my place, again and again. Which she did with zero logic, consistency or care.
As a genderqueer person, she was apparently unable to use the women's toilets, and unsafe to use the men's. So she used the disabled, and was angry at the lack of facilities. If disabled people complained about her using their spaces, she dismissed them (with less hostility than she showed me, though). But as a woman who knows I am a woman, and has suffered multiple traumas at the hands of men, having been triggered daily by a trans woman when I was already traumatised, I was 'inflammatory' 'reactionary' and 'weaponising [my] trauma' by saying some women's spaces should be for women alone.
Had my former friend ever been in jail? No. A refuge? No. Had she ever been raped? No. But her gender tokens elevated her need for suitable spaces, free of triggers, far above mine and her lexicon of mantras and phrases somehow convinced many she was right. She could be uncomfortable by members of her own sex, while popping in to a public toilet. I could not be uncomfortable with a male living alongside me all day and night.
As she dictated theory as fact, reacted with histrionic rage and scrutinised my every comment for evidence of transphobia, she rallied a gang of others, several being mutual, though not close, friends. What she spoke about, her arguments with other people, her posts on social media all centred on proving me a bigot while never mentioning my name. She got increasingly strident, and some men joined in, invigorated by her enabling and a sense of self righteousness. I was misrepresented, it was made clear my thoughts would be constantly challenged, and I was shut out.
It never did devolve to a row. I wish it had, but I was so carefully choosing my words, so consciously aware of what I perceived to be her hurt, so cautious of seeming abrupt or selfish I allowed her to set sail on her journey of supreme justice, nailing my torn clothes to her mast.
Of course, not everyone agreed with her. People asked me if I was ok a lot. A couple of people directly challenged her and the little gang that had formed around her. That did end in rows, which I normally only heard of much later. Generally though people steered clear. They'd tell me they don't know enough about it to comment, they didn't understand. They told me she didn't actually mean that, and this had never been said. In the time since this, I've had these rows on Facebook, and even though the words are there, as they were typed, the same thing happens - denial, obfuscation, apparently I misrepresent the other person with their own words, while wild distortions of my words 'probably held some truth' as 'but that is what you were getting at, isn't it?'
Always missing context, never listening with my heart, I'm not taking their view onboard. Every time, it isn't that bad, no one is actually arguing that. It's just trans women are women, and I am just being difficult now.
It's strange, I struggle to believe how sucked into her aggression performed as vulnerability I was. I'm a smarter, more articulate and naturally more aggressive (at least in terms of direct aggression, rather than passive) woman, with much more life experience, but I let myself be mistreated, insulted and bullied by a poncey, spoilt ideologue. And to top it off, a spineless one who insinuated her strength was not being female like me, while performing every Carolyn Bryant trick in the helpless maiden handbook.
My amazing good fortune in being born to a body that I identify with is a privilege. The fact it's taken me years to come to terms with who and what I am is irrelevant. I'm clearly so happy being a woman, I would reject it otherwise. That must be it. All that cisprivilege I owned, using it to harm those like her. People with so few problems in life they can sit in their familial home, call it their home, in adulthood and spent hours every day wondering how they should dress, which of their many clothes they should choose to express their inner being. Not so easy for us without family, those who've been through the care system and were all alone at almost half the age she was now. It's the twilight zone on iron(y) tablets. It's inexplicable. Or it seemed so, until I understood how I'd been gaslit by a persecutor in disguise. It slipped right under my radar.
I knew I was female from my first memory. I was scolded for acts my brothers were not. My anger was ridiculed. I was dismissed as crying just like the way we are depicted as Carolyn Bryant, a woman who laughed when the court was hearing of Emmet's horrific injuries, in front of his mother. I was loaded with tedious tasks, sexually abused, raped, hounded, and never safe.
The trans activist lives in an artificial landscape. It requires forced perspective, simulated dangers, astro-turfed campaigning and sound effects. It relies on keeping trans people a spectre of imperiled but dignified bravery. It's about supremacy, whether that's the great white defender or the under-dog survivor. What they want is what is yours, and they'll dress it up as an emergency but it was all very well planned.
The implied threat of eternal damnation is definitely real, they will ruthlessly exploit any slip, they'll go after all they can, they'll endlessly play the victim and rescuer. They'll have you fired for fun. But once you're out, if you don't have so much to lose, if you're employer isn't a coward, it might be liberating. The sting loses potency in staggering time. Don't look down and imagine the drop is real, there's too many distortions up where you are now. And it's better to jump prepared, than have your strings cut.
