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Friday, 29 January 2021

Trans-parents: Enbies, Theybies, 6 foot 2" 'Mama' Ladies


This is an important message from the Bullshit Broadcasting Corporation. Please, do not adjust your set. 

Trans women are women. Trans men are men. Non binary people are non binary and their identities are valid. Some people have the brain of one sex, in the body of another. There are more than two sexes

*Sex and gender will be used interchangeably until activation of the Gotcha Clause, where you will be put in your place with shrieking distain by a thoroughly dishonest fool, informing you that 'sex and gender are not the same. Ok, boomer?'

In the interests of building a progressive and inclusive society, we hope you join us as an ally. In the case you can not extend human dignity and show acceptance of trans people, we ask that you stay quiet. 

This is the time we must fight for our rights, and our lives. Tempers run high, change is desperately needed although frequently misunderstood by our cis counterparts. Therefore, if you can't support us, if you refuse education, do not speak about or for us. Even unwitting transphobia is lethal and any subsequent fallout is, unfortunately, on you. 

The cast-type of the transphobe is ready made. It comes in all sizes and can fit based on a single measurement. 

If you don't confirm that which we ask of you, you are an enemy, an anachronism, a bigot and unworthy of respect in polite society. You are heartless, illogical, backwards and, it has been shown, likely a fascist who delights at the suffering of other, innocent, people. 

When the Parent is Trans; Enbies, Theybies, 6'2" 'Mama' Ladies.


Ari Dennis is a mother of two, and says she is non binary.
Her Twitter handle is @Arinotsorry, and she reminds us she is not sorry everywhere


(UPDATE: 

93 posts
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Arlo Dennis
@ADBeyondBaggage
Consultant and educator on LGBTQ+ diversity and culture with a focus on queer and nonbinary identity
Ari is now Arlo Dennis)


Ari is from Florida, and made the news in the UK when she went full on publicist, introducing her baby (clearly a boy) to the the word as not a girl of a boy, or even a baby, but a 'theyby'. 

Their sex is secret, no one, not even grandparents, know - even though Ari's mother lived with the family for three months after the birth. Even the birth certificate says 'unknown'. Ari strongly supports this;


That's right - 'sex designations offer no clinical utility'. I don't know where birth certificates are relevant in clinical circumstances, but it sounds kinda authoritative, doesn't it? I think biological sex has multiple, acute indications in clinical settings, however. Still, she's even remembered to throw 'intersex' people under the bus so we mustn't doubt her credentials.

So, what's the point of this? Something to do with not assigning gendered expectations on this tiny child. Next time you're accused of conflating sex and gender, remember this.

Ari has a ten year old daughter who is also, she says, non binary. Now this baby is being upheld as a sex-and-gender mystery, a cocooned and expectation-free, unlimited-potential human. 


Ari's elder child burst free of all these harmful and irrelevant gender expectations at four years old. Which I'm sure was a spontaneous and organic decision. 

This is what motivates Ari to place her second child in a media-frenzied spotlight. 

This is positive, apparently. Maybe she's haunted by the four years her elder child spent 'living in the wrong body' / pronouns. My question; why make a spectacle of your child and their development? 

How is not only withholding gender (supposedly - pity Ari worships it so religiously) but the biological sex, the stone cold reality being there are two sexes, and every person on the planet is one or the other, a helpful tactic? And why invite the World and its whippet to watch?

Seems like you're grooming a child to be hyper-conscious of gender, to me, Ari. Seems like you are exploiting their development, their sense of themselves as a human, as if they were an art installation, a little social experiment of entirely your own making. 

Giving them a forced 'opportunity' to wonder what they might be, rather than un-self-consciously explore the world. Inviting the public to withhold their perception by way of extending a manufactured suspense as long as is possible, or as long as it takes to get the answer she wants.

Leaving your child to continually focus on this ridiculous, metaphysical / pseudo religious concept made not in reality but in stereotypical tropes and in the minds of Queer Theorists. They can score their enjoyment of certain clothes, certain books, media, fashion, and this, believes Ari, will help them discover their innate identity. 

But on what basis do they assess the masculine or feminine rating of these things? Ari says 'particular clothing or colours or toys or activities or genitals don't denote sex more than gender does'. So they have literally no grounding in biological truth, no framework to build on. 

They are suspended in time as a mystery to all, with apparently no definitions and no locus. All the while living against a backdrop of, well... in a household with a non binary mother who answers to 'Papa' and her polygamous partners, both appearing as trans women, Gwendolyn answers to 'Mama' and Bryniffer (nah, me neither) to 'Maddie'.

 

'Phwoar - look at the head tilt on that' said a friend. Another, especially cruel friend said 'say what you want about Brynnifer - which is not a real name - but he can take it on the chin'
'that's what Ari said, phnar phnar' 
We all laughed

One she is married to (probably Brynnifer, above) and she is in a relationship with the other. Every person in the home is trans, the adults have decided. More interesting still is, in Ari's interview with (an engorged-with-fury) Piers Morgan, Ari mentions Brynnifer and Luna as her co-parents. Not sure of the chronology here, and I failed to summon the fucks to look but either way within a short space of time, between baby Sparrow being 11 months and now three, one co-parent has been replaced with another. Ari also says Luna has nothing at all to do with the children now. Brilliant. 

And if these kids aren't isolated from their peers enough, using an alien vocabulary to the rest of the world and presumably being very well noticed in the community - they're home schooled. 

Asked how long each day her eldest studies, Ari says no more than one or two hours a day, the rest is 'child led'. Let's think of the queer theory shite Ari sees as central to everything, and then imagine her idea of education. She is, after all, a 'gender open' childcare educator. How is this not reminiscent of anti-science religious orders or cults? 


Have a gander at this advice to parents Ari shares on her page, from a page called 'Queer Little Family';

"Non-binary to kids? Easy-peasy lemon crocodile. Kids are accepting. Kids take everything in like a sponge. Now is the time to be teaching them... They take it all in, accept it and grow up with it "

So, that's great and not even slightly concerning...

"...[during a conversation with their four year old, 'Snappy'] - 

Me: "You know I'm not a girl or a boy don't you?" 

Snappy: "I know, you're both, mum told me." 

Me: "Exactly, and some people are neither and some people change."

Snappy: "I think I'm both." 

And then as I was saying good night: "You can be anything you want." 

"I want to be a girl and boy and a girl and a boy. I said that two times".... Gotta love the ego of a four year old. Must be doing something right... It's really not that hard. 

Don't be afraid to have these conversations. The sooner the better. They can handle it. Trust me. *Countless hashtags follow*

Why would a parent deliberately foster a potential clash of psychological and physical congruity in their child? What is it with these wannabe-celeb trans influencers and their total disregard for the privacy and dignity of their children? 

From Mimi Lemay writing 'A letter to my 5 year old son' as an article in the Boston Times, to the heartbreaking portrayals in Transhood, the constant stream of exclusives on Jazz Jennings to Charlize Theron unveiling her adopted seven year old as trans, there's a theme here and it's disturbing. 

For the life of me, I cannot imagine soliciting so much attention on any child, much less one struggling with identity. It also completely scuppers the common claim that it's a potentially lethal act to 'out' previously closeted people.

These kids will never be able to escape it and are far too young to consent. But it's ok, it's about making the world a better place and Ari reads her kids carefully;


Ari's theory is that as her children grow, trying on different clothes and being treated as a girl and then a boy and then as someone who isn't easily unidentifiable, they will learn about their 'options'. So build your identity, your ego, your sense of self on what's most expedient, on how you are perceived through what you assume to be the eyes of others.

What a fragile existence. And let's not forget this androgynous quality will vanish, dramatically, by puberty. That is when the shit truly hits the fan and biological truth is inescapable. No doubt 'options' like puberty blockers are likely to be enthusiastically taken up and probably long ago raised as a possibility for her eldest child. 

The idea a four year old autonomously came up with the idea she is non binary, in this family, is laughable. It's a hideous, enraging, tragic shit show.

And, isn't being trans hard? What about the frequently cited suicidality in trans people? The oppressive and ever-present transphobia, the struggles and high rates of abuse we hear of all the time? Why, why on earth, would you be encouraging this? Why not be open about the child's sex and you, as the parent, do the hard work of protecting them from constraints built on discriminatory generalisation, sexism and homophobia? 

Repeatedly Ari mentions that the child has 'certain anatomy', she mentions genitals a lot. Even fake ones. Here's her idea of age appropriate sex education;

"Yes honey - I am a person with a 'front hole' so when I want to access mama's prostate I use this - but obviously it gets dirty!"

Presumably, Ari sees this as healthy, open and child led. 














I think it's a sea of red flags. 

Apparently genitals don't indicate the sex of a person. And we should all know exactly what she's telling her little girl about. But it's obviously had some great consequences, and these kids can be whatever they like - such japes!



No one wants to be seen as they really are in this family. Mum is Papa and the embarrassingly be-frocked Dad is Mama, another man is present as a woman and referred to as a co-parent, and is clearly replaced swiftly if he leaves. 

'We are doing this to enhance kids potential' says Ari: 'This can't go wrong' - she says that if gender is within us, it will out. How the fuck it is our side of the divide are accused of confusing sex with gender? Hey Ari, Brynnifer and Gwendolyn (interesting fact - the 'ladies' in this house appear too bear zero responsibility in the child raising) here's a pro tip:







Tuesday, 26 January 2021

Trans-fam II - When Mum Becomes Dad

Trans Fam II - When Mum Becomes Dad


We've seen the popular take now - brave, stoic and proud parents forge the way ahead for their trans children, with photogenic smiles and open hearts. They follow the beaten track of denial, conflict, bargaining, a creeping acceptance, epiphany, the conflict externalises and finally, the triumph.

The tale of the trans parent is less told, although it is growing. The trans parent has not only their own cross to bear, but that of their child. 

The message is that not being affirmative of gender identity is antagonistic. There's no way round it - it is hate-fuelled, ignorant and intolerant. Not accepting the parent as they see themselves is not just an act of hatred against them, but also their children.

Clearly, transition is often a painful process involving significant emotional toil, although personally I've no doubt that sometimes it involves a large portion of attention seeking and narcissism (see John Ozimek AKA 'Jane Fae' telling his child he was to transition the day before she sat her A Levels) 

Maybe it isn't always possible to put aching dysphoria aside. Maybe it is the best thing for some families. What I am interested in here is the media portrayal, what is shown and what is questioned.

When Mum Became Dad, on CBBC, follows Tilly, 12, a really lovely and very mature girl who's mum 'became dad' when she was seven. Tilly lives now with her mother as 'dad Jack' and a younger brother, Mal, 9. Dad Peter lives across road. 

In primary school Tilly experienced a lot of bullying. She has moved into secondary school now and is away from her best friend. The theme running through this is her fear of the reaction of her new friends, specifically as her birthday looms and she anticipates awkward questions when friends visit the house for her party.

In her quest for answers on how to address the upcoming party, Tilly arranges to meet Faith, who's mother also transitioned. How does she introduce dad Jack as in fact her mum, but who must still be called and recognised as a dad, a man?

Faith is 14, and again is very mature. She says 'my mum's not she any more and thats good cos he's happy'. She struggled with the loss of her mother figure, and continues to go to bereavement counselling to cope. Tilly also misses having a mother figure. Rather poignantly, Faith says that the question 'who do i call mum now?' hung over her. It is patently obvious this is a significant trauma, but one that is depicted as necessary and downplayed as a stepping stone to true acceptance. 

Changing the attitudes of other people is now the girls' collective endeavour. I can't say it felt very constructive, just a cause in which to funnel their pain, to cram the prescribed slogans into their heads and kill any dissenting thought.

Little brother Mal is struggling. In school we're told another child was 'mean' when discussing a character in a book, who's mum was taken away. 'Your mum left you too, didn't she?' is the offending sentence. This leaves Mal very upset, and it's clear he doesn't share that with 'dad Jack' until much later on, apparently when Jack is driving back from the meeting with Faith. 

It's pretty startling at this point just how unengaged Jack seems to be. Tilly is the one giving affection. From the monotone voice and the standard 'how did that make you feel?' crap counsellor questions from Jack, who offers to go and speak to the teacher to explain why this upset him so much (how is it possible the teachers of this little boy don't know?) to Tilly seen hugging and comforting Mal later on, what we see is Tilly as the mother figure, she is the solid ground Mal reaches for when in distress. She is endlessly giving and mediating between a world of harshness (I'm far from convinced the other child was deliberately 'mean' - it's simply a statement of fact, and it has distressed him deeply, five years after it happened) and the love for her family. Clearly we don't see it all, but this is the way it is presented.

In the house one day, Tilly asks Jack when she began to transition. Jack instantly calls back "I don't like the word transition" and explains it implies a beginning, when her trans-ness was there all along. It's a curiously evasive answer, and it strikes me Jack is glossing over an extremely significant time in Tilly's life, one which she presumably revisits and needs to structure and order, compose. It's the remains of a landmine that blew while she was likely still too young to differentiate between fantasy and reality, that she needs to retrace and remodel. It's her family terrain, and leaving it in rubble, telling her the firm ground she once stood on was never really as she remembers, seems unfair and cruel. Jack was always Jack, a gestational father, and the landmine never really happened - it was just the brave light of honesty which illuminated their lives. 

This was not a choice, not a metamorphosis, just an admission and dropping of pretence. One that leaves children in bereavement counselling.

They sit down and look through old photographs, and Jack claims she lived as a boy for over a year when about seven or eight. The photos show pretty typical gender neutral 70's and 80's fashion, nothing you would say is unusual for a child of the era. Later we hear Jack say that when she decided to transition (seems, despite pulling Tilly up on the word before, she doesn't have a better word for it) she reached out to her sister and mum and asked that they be there for Tilly when she needs a female role model. 

They go to see Jo, Jack's sister. It seems she lives a long drive away. Jo struggles with saying she has two brothers now, when it was always a brother and a sister. She struggles with calling Jack 'Jack'. Tilly asks Jo if she ever expected Jack to transition. Jo said no, there was never anything that made her suspect her sister might be trans. It seems in stark contrast to the story of Jack living as Jim in childhood, for a whole year, but this is fluffy-feels tv and confronting an inconsistent narrative isn't on the agenda.

I wonder if Jack nominating out this maternal / female elder role to her mum and sister is good forethought, an example of thinking of Tilly's needs, or just abdication of a role that's not transferable, that can't be assigned to a new keeper. What are female role models? Someone who nurtures, someone who can guide a girl through puberty, periods, prom? I don't know why Jack is incapable of that, really. We keep hearing that it isn't that the person Jack was before is gone, but simply 'he is a happier version now'. 

We're up early, off to visit Nat, a boy who's mother transitioned, too. This is largely about how Mal can be counselled through what's been a really distressing time for him. Nat is, again, a really mature, compassionate and sensitive kid. We never see more than a glimpse of the dads of Faith and Nat, it's the kids and their world which I suppose is deemed appropriate for the audience. It doesn't help with the feeling that they are all on their own though.

Nat says his new 'dad' made him feel comfortable. He doesn't appear as fragile as the others. His advice again seems to reinforce the mother-status Tilly holds. He says she needs to be a rock for Mal, and he has some good advice about how the kids who say the 'wrong' things are doing so to be mean. They don't get it. Nat says if this happens again, to call him. It’s bitter-sweet stuff. I think this is the elephant in the room, how do children have the capacity to process such complex, painful, confusing changes? Surely, surely this isn't 'good because he's happy now' but actually a serious trauma, a huge change that leaves these kids in desperate uncertainty over who they are, who their family is, and what else might change?

Maybe the transition of a parent is inevitable sometimes and it really is better to be done and get the angst of living as your born sex over. It just isn't obvious to me that the parents fully appreciate it, or that anyone does. It seems to be distilled into a clash of us and them, good people and transphobes. Everything would be so much easier if others would see people as they do, as we should. Of course having to traverse this seismic shift and then suffering bullying is horrific, and I can't overstate that. Of course the bullying is deeply hurtful and damaging and wrong, it's intolerable. It just isn't necessarily at play when one nine year old says to another that 'your mum left you too, didn't she?' That seems more like a clumsy, unwanted reminder of truth. That it distressed Mal so deeply, five years later, is heartbreaking.

One of Nat's words of wisdom was to remind Tilly and Mal that they might avoid the truth at times but they must never lie. His sister did - she told her school friends that her mum was away. This went on for a long time, until it became agonising, stressful and unsustainable. 'You have to come to terms' with what's happened, he says. I find it all very painful to watch.

Tilly and Nat decide to do a talk at Mal's school to help with his year's understanding of trans issues. Tilly is excitedly organising for it and asks Jack if she can share some photographs in her presentation to help her little brother. Jack's not ok with that. It just seems somewhat staggering to me that Jack is there with these boundaries when Tilly is so determined to make life easier for her brother, for Jack's son. He won't be present, the audience are nine years old, both kids have felt victimised in school and are scared and even with this act of optimistic, proactive bravery, Jack has her guard up and is unwilling to give Tilly what she feels will help. At the presentation, Nat explains that when someone transitions they only change on the outside, not inside. They are still the same person. This isn't true though, is it? What has changed for these kids - their mother's looks, clothes and name? 

It's much more than that for these children. They lose the one they call mum; their lives are irrevocably changed; there are taboo words and times and photos; they have to smooth the path ahead for siblings and themselves and deal with a parent who is in the middle of an artificial metamorphosis. It's not just appearance for these kids, and god bless them they all seem entirely motivated by aiding others. Like little rainbow warriors. 

After Nat, Tilly explains she felt wobbly, she needed reassurance after the news her mum was transitioning. Metaphors of landmines and earthquakes fill my head. Nat was just seven - the same age as Tilly was - when his 'mum became dad'. He explains how being disrespectful about the trans parent hurts them. Use preferred pronouns, it's about being kind and respectful. 

Jack seems to me to have abdicated roles and identity of a mother while those children were still very small. I find it difficult to imagine Jack as her previous self without picturing a woman desperate for escape, for new boundaries to erect which forbid certain demands, that reinvents her body as a distinct from the children she bore, that re-asserts her will. It feels closer to a kind of abandonment than resurrection to me

The children are quite possibly a rebuke to everything I've said here, as they are all kind, caring, mature and smart. I hope it's that they've been so well supported they return it, that their needs are well met, that they display the wish to help others because they themselves are propped up in times of despair. It feels a little like they were betrayed, to me. That one desperate search to be something else, when their children were so young they saw themselves as an inseparable being from their mums, has wreaked terrible harm. 

These precocious, empathetic, sweet little allies are somehow fully 'the child of the trans dad'. Where is the anger? It isn't spoken of and I have no idea how they will eventually manifest this. It's a fundamental part of grief, and an important, ego-saving, life-defending response to being hurt. We never see this. It is entirely about moving forward with brave slogans and new concepts and righting the world. It seems a million miles away from child-centred.


Friday, 15 January 2021

Transgressions


TRANSGRESSIONS



Standing in solidarity with monsters



We see the headlines in 'progressive' media. We are implored to sympathise, to withhold judgement like grown ups, as this is human rights stuff - their crimes are unimportant here. The crimes have occurred and cannot be undone, it's their treatment and how we choose to respond that we can change.

And the thing is, that's true, and for this reason, and more, I'm against the death penalty.

However, one thing that stinks of deception, narrative-manipulation and unconscionable idiocy is presenting the most predatory and violent men as vulnerable women. When it is those men who have spent their lives devastating others with those classic male crimes of life-ending violence and sexual assault, with the exclusively-male penis as weapon.

So, I'm having a long hard stare at the way in which men who at times have murdered, tortured, raped and terrorised have been giving free reign to reconstruct themselves in the media. It's sold to us as the worthy cause of trans rights, and, funnily enough, often reported on by women.

I'm fairly sure that these young journalists did not set out on their careers hoping to cover such reprehensible bastards with such nauseating simping. I imagine they are given these stories by their bosses and have the classic, vulnerable 'old school transsexual' in mind, as well as wanting to hitch themselves onto the popular zeitgeist of trans rights™.

I do wonder how they rationalise writing such glowing, ideological bilge when the reality of these crimes becomes known to them; the tropes of "we mustn't treat trans people as a monolith" are super helpful, so remember that 'not all trans people are like that' and make sure you don't allow one prisoner's crimes to spoil the picture. Even if that's their own picture.

The fact is, however, that now trans people are a monolith. One which needs sympathetic coverage or at the very least critical omissions. Any outrages are forgotten, crushed and mentioning them shamed, or justified.

It's justified with more mental images of an innocent, frightened boy gazing at the reflection of himself in a dress, then hurriedly changing before the terrible people come home. It's inspired by tales of poor transwomen like Marie Dean committing suicide in jail - again forgetting the shattered, traumatised lives they leave in their wake.

So, however much they have surely achieved the right balance of righteous indignation and perpetrator-pity, I think that's worth noting they do tend to be young, female and early on in their careers.

It's far from a one off, in fact it's now close to being a cliche.

So, let's have a look at the preconceived ideas that appear to facilitate such fawning depictions of murderers and rapists who claim to be women:

"Synthia-China Blast" / Luis Morales


“I am a political transgender woman ‘slash’ prisoner. I strongly support the rights of LGBT brothers and sisters in the community who are imprisoned also.” 

So far, so very laudable. This is another hustle worth watching out for - the presentation they are and have always been persecuted for, due to their identity as trans people. It's very unusual these men were presenting as female until long into their sentences. Invariably they are also allies, advocates, relentlessly believing in the greater good we non-rapists refuse to see. Everyone is a victim, and it's only through a religious or quasi-religious belief in love and redemption that'll save all these souls, and stop the cycle of abuse.

In Jezebel, Aviva Stahl interviews Synthia-China Blast, who was convicted for the gang related murder of a 13 yr old girl, Ebony Williams. (Something about Morales changing his name to China when he's known to be vehemently anti-black and his victim's name was Ebony seems significant, although I should probably spare you my ruminations here and get on with the hideous shit show).

Prior to this piece by a supposedly feminist publication, Laverne Cox read out Synthia-China Blast's letter to the world. It caused quite a stir. Blast, née Luis Morales, is in near constant lock down in segregation. As a gang member turned trans woman, this doesn't sound that surprising - but to many, it was.

Clearly we were meant to be outraged at Blast's treatment, and it does sound tough. And that's on top of what we already know about the American prison system. Unfortunately, if you give a solitary fuck about accuracy, about victims, about the fact these perpetrators of such unspeakable crimes are accessing large platforms and attracting such an adoring audience of advocates, this tends to come over a little problematic.

This unravelled, however, when the full extent of Synthia-China Blast's crimes became clear. Cox denounced Blast and presumably learnt a little on the importance of looking a little deeper before championing causes. The video is no longer available, and Cathy Brennan is excoriated by Stahl for raising the alarm that a child rapist, torturer, murderer and defiler of the resulting corpse is gleaning public sympathy under a different name and sex to that known by the public;


"A prominent feminist who claims she does not support “irrational discrimination” against trans people but nonetheless has become known for her steadfastly trans-exclusionary views"

This is who Stahl is angry with, and she seems to firmly believe that the real harm perpetuated against trans people, even society, is by TERFs. Obviously, pitting 'trans exclusionary' feminists against those rapists and murderers who've latterly taken on the identity of trans women is exactly how progressive politics needs to go.



Brennan described Blast as a murderer and child rapist, and Stahl responds in the article that "Blast was never convicted of raping Ebony Williams, and she adamantly denies killing her" well, there we have it! Isn't that all the justification we need, huh?

After the distancing of Cox, the uproar and outrage, things got tougher still inside "Blast was threatened and insulted online and received hate mail on the inside calling her a freak and a woman hater, according to her and her family." Shocking. This gang member, who went on remand aged 16 after being prosecuted for 12 counts of second degree murder, reckless endangerment and arson, was on the recieving end of hate mail and called a woman hater! My, the depravity. After spending almost two years inside, Blast says he was in too deep with the gangs - he'd been raped/made the boyfriend of serious men, and apparently there was no way out. Soon after his release (found not guilty on the murder of six people) his boyfriend called him asking him to dispose of a cardboard box. And, dear reader, poor Blast was too groomed to know what the right thing to do was. He disposed of it, and he's never revealed those he believes guilty. He would be home now if he snitched, he says. But this guy, he's got principles.

Stahl challenges none of the lies about how there was no evidence, she asks no tough questions. The facts of the trial, where Blast and co-defendant and fellow gang member Carlos Franco laughed, smirked and joked through the evidence, is gut-wrenching. Both men were known to be hateful towards black people. Both of them bragged widely to others about what they had done to the little girl, and how sexual sadism was their motivation. After Blast stabbed Ebony multiple times, he and Franco realised she was still clinging to life. Franco then broke her neck. The post mortem showed she had almost been decapitated by the repeated stabs and twisting.

Stahl omits all of this, and ponders "How do we make visible the violence experienced by survivors and respect their right to heal without becoming complicit in the myth that perpetrators are monsters who must be hidden away?" While never explaining where is evidence that this is a myth, or, regarding a survivor's right to heal, she neglects to mention again.

One subject which does reappear is that of Brennan "How do you think transphobia shaped the way Cathy Brennan described you—or the danger she claimed that you posed? Would you call her a feminist?"

Brilliant, Aviva. Ask the man who committed such unspeakable horror against a little girl whether a feminist is worthy of being called feminist. We are all holding our breath in anticipation! Blast responds "That woman destroyed my name in a few days what an entire trial and jury could not do". Maybe Blast needs another name change? This is the price of publicity. He continues "She is a monster. Her views are distorted and full of twists and turns. What writers say was fed to them by the police" Clearly, the police are not as thorough and fair as Blast and Stahl. "Cathy Brennan is not a feminist" says Blast "I am a feminist. I am against women being harmed. I am against women being raped. I am against men degrading women or using them as sexual objects. Cathy Brennan gives all real feminists a bad name. I never hated someone as much as I hate her." Reassuring stuff, eh?

This long, tedious interview full of cringe-inducing clichés finishes with metaphors of trash and treasure, and it's at this point not clear if the words are Stahl's or Blast's. The update ends in the ultimate credit to any nonce justice warrior - Blast is now in a new prison, where he can spend most of his time out of his cell, cook for himself, take classes and his family have never seen him so happy.

What is not mentioned is his well documented delight in screwing as many murderers as possible, and how his dream man ultimately showed himself, ending in marriage to another inmate, Heriberto Seda, the copycat Zodiac Killer - “I met my friend, lover and infamous husband…the NYC Zodiac Serial Killer. My sweet serial killer is a lady’s man now. Only if I was [sic] a real woman I could bring about little future serial killers to terrorize NYC like my husband did. How [New Yorkers] would of [sic] loathed the Zodiac Children.“




If there's ever a time lies can be repeated and someone's history should make them disposable, being a TERF is it. Child abduction, torture, presumed rape and then murder followed by desecration of a corpse, not so much.





"Patricia" Patrick Trimble



Centre, Jasmyne René Cooley with Patricia Trimble, right, and, presumably, Patton Oswalt or Ron Pearlman, left.


Patricia features in Vice's how trans prisoners are getting each other access to treatment inside, written by Pierre Bienaimé, who I'm going to use my bigot powers to identify as a man. It begins by describing how Trimble, convicted of murder, only realised he was a woman after a sexual assault in prison in 2015. Trimble is painted again as the advocate, the tireless freedom fighter within a prison system filled with unnecessary cruelties. To be clear, America's prisons are an outrage. I'm horrified by many aspects of it and yet when it comes to people like Trimble, I'm far from convinced the punishment even fits, let alone exceeds the crime.

Trimble has become house expert, by the weight of injustice forced upon him. “You have a bunch of psychologists and therapists talking to us that really have no clue,” Trimble said. “So we kind of have to educate one another.”

This goes unchallenged, of course. The message is clear - this is a prehistoric institution fixed on brutality and neglect, and if it weren't for the selfless service of Trimble there would be no let up in the endless stream of misery. Convicted murderer Jessica Hicklin is Trimble's best buddy in there- "She's a mom and I'm a mom,” Hicklin said. “That's probably the shortest way of putting that. We both try and help each other and everybody else." This is heartening to read, and fits with Bienaimé's presentation of Trimble as committed to the welfare of others.

Nowhere does Bienaimé raise the troubling issue of such serious offenders changing their name and recorded sex, or what the consequences could be.

Nowhere does he explain what Trimble actually did - lure two 9 year old girls into woodland before raping and sodomising them. Once serving on remand he decided that it would be better to serve time under murder charge than as a paedophile. So he turned his attention to Jerry James Everett, 20.

Everett was, according to the judge, 'mentally retarded', and 6'1", 210 lb Trimble began dismantling the younger, smaller, far less depraved man by sexual humiliation, forcing a 5'10", 145 lb Everett to show other inmates what Trimble had forced inside of his rectum, forcing him to walk around the prison in a bra. This escalated into oral and anal rape, and pimping Everett out to other prisoners. After telling other inmates of his plan to murder him, Trimble instructed Everett to write a suicide note before strangling him with a towel. Judge June P Morgan in State v. Trimble, 638 S.W.2d 726

This is all a bit too unpleasant, and probably irrelevant to Bienaimé "After a lifetime spent in the dark about the reality of gender dysphoria, Trimble, now 59, answers more questions than she asks" by which I suppose he means he's not asking anything awkward, just reaping the rewards of this remarkable advocate's wisdom. Again, the words of the offender are taken as gospel, with the pontificating Bienaimé citing activists and prisoner support groups and yet never one for survivors and victims.

Trimble often says he's a mother. On his Medium articles he, without a flicker of shame, refers to himself this way. It's a grotesque appropriation of one of the most important and prized roles on the planet, one that only women can fulfil. It's also laughably deluded, although having credulous journalists repeat this shit makes it seem less so.

On Medium, Trimble has multiple published pieces. All dripping in pathetically hackneyed prose and ridiculous self importance, they reflect the piece in Vice - The morning is spent reflecting, reading through cases to find anything to help his 'children'. By waking at 5am, he has "my only time to cry and to be emotional without showing weakness. I can put my bra on without stringing a curtain across the cell for a small bit of privacy."

"Privacy is something many take for granted, but in a place like this, well, a girl really has none" okay, groomer. "Prisons are full of children and very young adults who lack guidance. There is no mother figure nurturing them or teaching them about respect. Many of them hold extremely misogynistic beliefs" Found your calling now, huh Patrick? "As a woman in a men’s prison, normal activities others wouldn’t think twice about on the outside, suddenly become an exercise in creativity within these walls. It’s a consistent dance between maintaining your dignity and ensuring your safety. I’ve had 40 years behind bars to master it" only the last couple have been as 'Patricia', though. I suppose it could make victimising other, genuinely vulnerable inmates with horrific sexual violence and then murdering them a little more tricky.

"When I shower, I try to keep my back to the entrance to avoid displaying my breasts to watching eyes. (Sometimes)... I force myself the indignity of standing to pee. Otherwise, one of the men will assume my sitting position is an invitation to show me an erection, as if it was catnip that would cause me to suddenly fall to my knees"

Well, that was repulsive. Maybe Trimble would be better off petitioning the prison to transfer in some young meat? I mean, it seems more his style, and if the sight of this ugly, elderly nonce's grey-haired gynecomastia is enough to entice another inmate there must be dearth of options about. I'm also fascinated in the anti-cock precautions Trimble and every other inmate has to take when having a shit? If it's really an issue, possibly it's unwise to brag about "how good my head game feels". I wonder if this is just his limited ability to present himself as the wiley victim he wants to be seen as. It all seems ripped from 80's soaps.

No time for such obvious baiting, however. Apparently in "most searches feel like I’m being groped, violated" which is just too bad, although the new rule-enthusiast Trimble does say that when "done respectfully in line with transgender search policies...I can tolerate them."

'If you want to get to know me' on Medium is Patrick's shameless attempt at appearing like the bad-girl-turned-good via the medium of poetry. It's fist-clenchingly cliched, tacky and banal, listing his supposed attributes of sultry swaying hips, living as a streetwise sex worker and claiming he was gang raped age 8. "And believe me, that dude with his dick in my mouth ain’t hittin’ on me with a better job proposition, all he’s offering me is another fifty dollars to put me in the face down ass up position so his friend can fuck me too, since you want to get to know me" got me thinking that's a pretty high charge for a rent boy prior to 1983. Still, Patrick loves to talk about how being mauled by four guys in the prison court helped him to really feel womanly.
"If you want to get to know me you need to know how I flow,

there’s more to me than looking pretty and the way my hips sway to and fro" - Patrick's soul-recoiling, vomit-inducing, foot-curling dirge

Throughout the Vice article Bienaimé reliably reports the kind of partial, often self-reported and skewed statistics we see everywhere in the coverage of trans people. He lets the advocacy groups and offenders tell it as they see fit, letting huge lies and omission go unchecked. However it still contains far less preaching than the writers of the other two articles I'm looking at here, far fewer references to himself and his thoughts of ethical standards. Consequently he's catching far less heat from me, however much of a trite, lazy, misleading piece of propaganda for a worthless old man this is.


The most irredeemable are, of course, the TERFs.

*Trimble is now giving lectures from his cell, clearly pounding his Trans Vulnerability™ license for all it's worth: "Reliving much of my past took more out of me than I had expected. But without a face to the story, it is just another story.. .. suicidal thoughts and actions, the experience of gang rape, promiscuity, a lifetime of self-hatred and anger being thrown at so many undeserving victims should never be just another story" says Trimble. Talking about himself.

"Sarah Jane" Alan Baker



Sarah Jane Baker, previously known as Alan Baker - is introduced as a lifer for the attempted murder of a sex offender, and I can't help but feel the way this is mentioned is used as a defence. A sort of "It's ok, he (she! Sorry folks!) hurt a terrible person" which categorises Baker on the violent but convict-justice side, living by another set of rules. This works for me, but it doesn't make a violent man a woman, or any male so. It's also in such conflict in this regard to the other stories, somehow it feels expedient.

This attempted murder happened when Baker was already in prison for the kidnap and torture of his step-mother's brother. He also reportedly has convictions for drug dealing and armed robbery. This is another extremely violent person

Amelia Abraham is our reporter here, and it seems incredibly important to her that we side with her on what she sees as an unconscionable breach of human rights. I'm wondering, how does liberal feminism justify its special interest in violent men who claim to be women, when it never serves women like this?

Well, it doesn't get close to even asking this. Here, our brave and strident reporter goes forth. This has a whiff of investigation, it cites 'experts' and she really goes for the descriptions when recounting how she visited a real prison. This is journalism that labours the same point ad nauseam, while brushing over the inconvenient, the difficult questions, with evasion, derision, moral superiority and misrepresentation.




Abraham depicts the incredible infiltration of gender identity ideology in our institutions as one of agonisingly slow progress held up by hysteria and bigotry. "On the one hand, some (especially “gender critical feminists” and the right-wing and tabloid press).." - Scare quotes on gender critical not elaborated on, but the 'right-wing' links to a piece in The Times on women being raped by 'trans' prisoners with penises, as does 'tabloid' for The Sun. The contempt within this flippant dismissal is nothing less than sickening.



Abraham contines "..push the idea that allowing trans prisoners into jails that correspond with their lived gender could mean putting convicted male rapists into women’s prisons. They do this by using one or two extreme cases such as the Karen White case, where the prisoner was immediately remanded to a women’s prison (contravening the Ministry’s own policy at the time) and subsequently sexually assaulted fellow prisoners." One or two cases? Well, Karen White, who sexually assaulted four women is one case. Jessica Winfield, née Mark Ponting, had to be moved after he, as a convicted rapist (who, like White then claimed a trans identity after imprisonment) began assaulting and harassing female prisoners. There is Kayleigh-Louise Woods, who tied up, tortured and murdered her flatmate Bethany Hill (after taking up with her boyfriend, who was co-accused) and had to be moved after sexual activity, and Paris Green, who also tied up, sexually assaulted, tortured and murdered, this time an older man, had to be moved after 'predatory behaviour'.

The rate of sex offenders identifying as trans in UK prisons is disproportionately high. Around 20% of the male prison population are serving sentences for sex offences, but among trans women in prison a staggering 48% are there for sex crimes (prison resources). This is clearly not a concern to Abraham, who lists two suicides of trans people in men's prisons. One of these is Vikki Thompson, who is undoubtedly a sad tale of childhood adversity and struggle. Thing is, had Abraham been bothered to do her job properly, she would know that Thompson had never even asked to move to a woman's prison, and, unbelievably, neither had Latham.

Latham was in prison for first trying to kill a female friend and then committing another two, separate, attempted murders. But anyway, obviously these people would not have committed suicide if they were in the female estate, that's our lesson here. Despite the fact the women's prisons system has nowhere with high enough security to accommodate someone this violent. The suicide rate among trans people is high, before and after surgery, in and out of prison.

What's an absolute fuckin shambles is the arrogant, deliberately blinkered bias of happy-clappy 'feminists' who fawn over the fate of violent, sex offending males without dedicating a moment's thought to the fact women in prison are far more vulnerable than any of these men. Women who commit different crimes to men and for different reasons. Women who's estate has far less funding, a much smaller population with hardly a sex offender among them.

Abraham speaks righteously, saying that denying trans prisoners their corresponding prison is abuse, talking about how every inmate is in a heightened state of awareness about what they're getting comparative to others. She postulates anything might be used for personal advantage, whether it's religion, special interests, sport and being trans is just one more which could potentially be seen as a soft option. Why, Baker asks, would anyone decide that constant misgendering, taunts, sexual harassment and isolation was a soft option?

Well, interesting you should ask, Alan. How about you check out the prison magazine Inside Times? Here "I find it pretty suspicious that the majority of these trans-jesters, as I call them, are sex offenders, and it turns out that transgender people do not have to do the Sex Offenders Treatment Programme ...there are SOME genuine transgender prisoners in the system, but surely not the amount crawling out of the woodwork even in the last 6 months?"

Or how about Littlehey? "It is with utter disgust and concern as a non-sex offender trans’ prisoner that I find anyone can and does say they are trans, just so they can continue their sexual deviant ways or avoiding having to do the SOTP programme...The sickest part of this is the system can do sod-all about these trans’ bandwagon-jumpers, because policy states they must be treated as transgender ‘if they say they are’... You do not have to be transgender here, only to say you are and you do not even have to ‘live in role’. So if you want to avoid addressing your offending behaviour, ‘go trans'"

There's more here; "I have witnessed 17 sex offenders jump on the trans bandwagon..and having had the misfortune to live amongst these characters I can tell you with the exception of about two of them, I would hate to see any of them in a female prison"

Still, no one at Dazed thought to look at the counter arguments those 'gender critical' types use, and certainly don't want to confuse the subject with other prisoner's, even trans one's, concerns. So we are stuck with Abraham as she shudders with the horror of Baker's suffering;

"At times, other prisoners have attempted to end her life. I tentatively ask her the lowest point in terms of transphobic abuse: “Getting raped in the prison showers by five people,” she says, holding my stare brazenly, before quickly moving the conversation onto sunnier subjects" Wow, so multiple murder attempts and a gang rape by five people. Any reports of these? I'm not saying it's a lie, but considering the cynicism towards actual women's concerns, I'm surprised at the lack of detail or scepticism here. I'm also wondering what exactly has happened to Baker's claim from 2014 that following a visit to Charing Cross hospital the prison guards beat and tortured him? It was of course denied by the prison, and it isn't mentioned here.

Throughout this pretty long article, which I found more and more infuriating to read, Abraham continuously quotes a Dr Sarah Lamble of the organisation Bent Bars. Dr Lamble is 'reader of criminology and queer theory at Birkbeck College'. What, if any, experience she has of working with offenders is unstated, which I assume means she has none.

It is with Dr Lamble these difficult subjects are routinely flashed up as important before being shat on and then shoved under the carpet, with an unholy dose of Febreze (in the liberal feminism range). There's no 'gender critical' feminist to give input, it's all sewn up with a neat and colourful running stitch. "It’s also a myth to think that cis women don’t want trans people in prison with them" Abraham continues, without citation. “I would say that, for most women in prison, there are way more pressing issues,” says Dr Lamble, who has also heard from trans prisoners who actually felt welcomed at a women’s prison and have been actively supported by non-trans women prisoners" Well, isn't it nice to know their opinions matter at least sometimes? Great work, ladies. May your social justice, feminist stripes forever precede you. "Yet, instead of hearing from prisoners, too often it is the media that shapes the narrative." I know, right! "This is why we have started to believe that cases like Karen White are the norm, rather than the outlier. In reality, cases like this are in a minority" - I would really like to ask Lamble and Abraham, how many rapes of extremely vulnerable, traumatised women with no escape are acceptable?

"We can tell that a lot of discourse around trans prisoners stems from out and out transphobia simply because we don’t apply the same fears towards other types of prisoners" concludes Abraham. It's a damn fucking shame this bright eyed young ideologue didn't dirty her pristine mind with the thoughts of feminists. We could have told her, these "types of prisoners" are being treated exactly the same as the vast majority of prisoners are. That is, they are male. They are male, they have often committed sex crimes and crimes involving violence against the person which are classic male pattern offending. We exclude males from women's prisons, refuges, bathrooms, changing rooms and recovery wards and clinics not because we have an irrational fear and hatred, but because they commit 98.8% of all recorded sex crimes. In the UK two to three women a week are killed by a present or former partner. This plays out across the world and is historically stable. The only changes have been recent, for instance since the introduction of self id in Ireland, the reported rate of female sex offenders has increased.

It isn't hatred to respond with women-only spaces, and it makes me ineffably angry to see two women so gleefully flinging their poorer sisters to the wolves.

For all the moralising of Abraham, the smug certainty she betrays of what she believes to be well rounded, nuanced and realistic approach to crime, it's in equal measure pitiful and also bitterly hilarious that we began this article with this admission;

"We approach the prison gates I am grateful that I have read Carl’s book, because until I did, all I knew about prison came from TV and films"

Brilliant.

Poppy Cox

Thursday, 31 December 2020

Trans Fam Part 1 - I, sometimes, blame the parents



Please see also TransParents - Theybies

Laurie Frankel in the New York Times, “From He to She in First Grade,” reviews transgender promotional material in Publisher’s Weekly, "The Transgender Child: A Handbook for Families and Professionals”:

“It is a very exciting time to be raising gender-variant and transgender children. . . . Congratulations. You are helping to change the world.”


This is a delicate subject, but I don't know if older notions of respect and not being seen to be intrusive is a great response in the long term.

The notion of the trans kid, that they know who they are, is pretty well constructed in our media. What specifically I'm interested in here is the parents who choose to be 'ambassadors' and invite the world's media into the lives of their children, during what is already an extremely sensitive time. If you read some of parent's accounts where they discovered that their child 'needed' to transition, you may notice some common themes, and 
I think there are some things we should look out for and question, instead of instantly falling into line, regurgitating the omnipresent narrative that these are the best parents, the bravest and proudest of their kids. Someone needs to acknowledge the potentially corrupting factors of money and fame.

The narrative of the courageous parent, putting their grief aside as they battle for their child is powerful - to many, it's appealing, a love-against-all-odds story. Finally, parents are open to their child's needs.

Considering how difficult it is to challenge anything with a rainbow-stamped approval, this is the ultimate tricky subject. You see these stories on allegedly progressive, humanitarian-left (i.e. chant miming) media, and any reticence is noted and condemned. Who are you to suggest you know their child better than they, these mamma-bears?

Because it normally is mothers. You'll see both parents as they perform the archetypal, perfectly-unusual family. In videos there'll be lots of scenes where wholesome meals are served and books are pored over at bedtime. The self-sacrifice is front and centre. We are directed to picture it as if they are defending their gay child as the neighbours tut and disapprove. And we need a bit of that, after millennia of homophobic estrangement and stories of conversion 'therapy'.

Here's an example; Mimi Lemay, who decided her daughter, on approaching her 5th birthday, was not only a boy, who then needed to be unveiled as such in school, to family and friends, but she needed to make this previously obscure and average family open to the world.

It is 'A Letter to my Son Jacob on his Fifth Birthday published in Boston.com, a subsidiary of The Boston Globe, with a readership of 130,000.


In her letter, which her child would likely not have been able to read, Mimi describes her excitement at finding out she was to have a girl; how she had filled the nursery with pink and frilly clothes, florals, matching bonnets and swimsuits for the impending baby and her elder sister. After delivery, Mimi and husband Joe were struck at the loud cry the little girl made -


"Your hearty, solid body, your pumping fists and legs and the surprised thought, “This one is a different model,’’ comparing you to your dainty sister"

As life went on, Jacob (then with a girl's name) was nicknamed the honey badger, such was her boisterousness. Jacob started to change her clothes multiple times a day - an early warning sign, Mimi reflects. Definitely not frustration at bonnets and restrictive dresses and hair adornments. At 3, Jacob declared herself a boy, and Mimi apparently acquiesced her clothing ideals, discussing how gender roles were unhelpful. In the next sentence, Mimi says she allowed the boy's clothes, telling Jacob "that gray was a perfectly acceptable favorite color for a 3-year-old girl".

Jacob continued to be bolshy and rebel, and one day, as she was nearing 4, a teacher suggested that Jacob might really believe she was a boy. "I stumbled through the next days in a painful haze. We were a few weeks shy of winter break, and I reached out to a friend of ours, a therapist who had worked with at-risk LGBTQ youth. As we stood doling out cheddar cheese bunnies and pretzels to our raucous offspring on a playdate, she confirmed my fears — we should consider that you might be transgender."

Immediately following this extremely wholesome image of an all-American playdate with doting mothers, advice was sought from gender specialists.

This is about a year before Mimi wrote her open letter. The link above directs to the second publishing, a year later. The story had been picked up by several news stations already.

But is this what it takes to evaluate a child? Chatting to the parent(s) and observing the child's behaviour on a playdate? We know how chaotic playdates can be, with the constant cries for mum's attention, interruptions and conversation broken to spare the children overhearing any unnecessary, concerning conversation? When Mimi asked her friend what the implications might be for a transgender child, we hear the attempted suicide of 40% of trans youth. It's not true, but has an air of self-fulfilling profesy to it. Suicide is contagious, especially with young people and people who are desperate to be taken seriously as really devoted to or needing of something. Suicide threats and attempts after teens are stopped from seeing a love interest, or from anorexics, are not used in this way.

It had been decided, Jacob was a boy. The letter went viral, a proliferation of media were welcomed into the private life of a tiny child, photos of the whole family accompanying them. During 2019 run up to the 2020 election, Jacob appeared in the CNN's presidential candidate town hall on LGBTQ rights. Asking what Elizabeth Warren would do for trans kids, 9 yr old Jacob was told s/he would have a say on who the Education Secretary would be if Warren won. Heart-warming.

I don't think it's difficult to see the intense gender roles here. The expectation of a mini-me in matching clothes for her sister. The shock at her loud, demanding cries and 'pumping' fists and legs. While Mimi has talks about the out-dated-ness of gendered clothes, she immediately reassures Jacob (herself?) that grey is fine for a little girl. Mimi is the one we hear from, husband Joe is in the background, apparently happy. Mimi is a very attractive


, well groomed woman who looks like the classic mother hen, enjoying the young years of three young children thoroughly, apparently not stressed. Even on the assessment/playdate, she describes herself in the kitchen, handing out snacks. When describing the clothes and nursery decor in preparation for her arrival, her joy is not veiled. It seems like while in theory gender non-conformity was tolerated, really it may be that it was in some way easier to see Jacob as a child who required support in a condition, and reap the attention and status as perfect mamma that our culture rewards this with.

Clearly Jacob is a strongwilled and atypical child. I wonder how much the dye is cast now. A year or so after Jacob barked and mimicked a dog, she is now he. And it wasn't just the family's only option, it was imperative this be shared with the world.

This family decided to go public with the truly amazing news that both of their children were trans: the elder, 11, female to male, the younger, 8, male to female. It's obviously impossible to make much of a judgement based on such a short video, but it seems extremely unlikely that two children would both feel such visceral unhappiness with their sex they need to transition to manage it unless something externally was also at play. And again, why the publicity? Why exactly is the need for society to know about these families a personal duty to fulfil? Do these kids benefit? Personally I can't imagine allowing this level of media intrusion into the life of a child, not unless it was vital for survival like in the case of fundraising for cancer treatment or bone marrow donation.

Janeen is the mother of Luna, 8. Here she tells her story of finally accepting her little boy was in fact a girl, at the age of three. Again, she has invited the world into the private life of a child who is unable to make that decision themselves. She had allowed Luna (the child's name has been changed by deed poll) to dress up outside of school - an understandable choice, but surely reinforcing the gender expectations and association with 'girl' clothes being about fun, freedom and expression? Was the deed poll change really necessary?

Jeneen also fell back on the classic suicide prevention line: “I can either have a dead son or a happy, confident daughter.”

It shouldn't be a huge surprise to hear that the group she reached out to for advice and support was Mermaids. Janeen is now comforted that Luna can live and ultimately find love as a girl, which may be an overly optimistic prognosis. I'm sure trans women can, of course have full and happy lives - we know they do - but it seems to gloss a feel-good narrative over the stark reality there will often be problems. Janeen is already talking about puberty blockers "if Luna decides". But this is far from plain sailing. Jazz Jennings took puberty blockers followed by cross sex hormones, meaning the gender
confirmation surgery, at 17, failed due to insufficient penile skin and an additional skin graft from the abdomen was needed, which first went very wrong and needed two follow up surgeries to correct. https://twitter.com/4th_WaveNow/status/925347924002988032?s=19. Jazz also, as is no surprise, feels no erotic sensation at all. So the hopeful reassurance about love for these children may be hampered by a lack of sexuality. Never mind the infertility, which is less easy to overlook the older one gets. It's obviously not a deal breaker - people may not want children, or already have their own to bring to a relationship, or maybe they want to foster and adopt. It's of course possible to live a happy, healthy life and never have kids, but knowing categorically it is off the table is quite an unusual and heavy burden on a teenager, least of all for a pre-teen to make that decision.

Here's one young man, detransitioning at 18 and in a state of fear and horror he still has the penis of a pre-pubertal boy






It is absolutely jaw-dropping this literal de-sexing of children is dismissed by the weight of a suicide trope which is both incorrect and unspeakably dangerous. I can't highly enough recommend the excellent analysis of Transgender Trend here - https://www.transgendertrend.com/the-suicide-myth/

I'm not suggesting I would know what to do, or that these parents hold a desire for their children to be trans. But I am concerned about the ad nauseam repetition of the suicide trope. Not only are the claims of Mermaids ridiculous, they are dangerous (see Sex, Lies, and an Invidious Landscape). There's never a parellel counter narrative that we may read in papers in which the child is photographed smiling and beautifully bonded with their parent. We know from these stories that the turmoil is terrible, these children are often inconsolable and absolutely insistent. However the answer sometimes is to allow the clothes, the hair (why not? If we can't protect kids from the subsequent bullying as they are, how are we protecting them when they do the same but also change name and pronouns?) but stick to the brutal, incontrovertible truth - they are the sex they are. They will probably grow out of it, and as adults full sexual function is a beautiful and precious aspect of life.

Therapy may be the answer. If it concerns older children a good place to start is to look at any visceral feeling of homophobia. These children often do not see transition as the answer after puberty. They are often gay or lesbian, too.

This may also uncover more devastating truths, namely that sexual abuse or exposure to violent and degrading porn, only a couple of clicks away, can create a desperate child wanting to run from any and all association with an adult body, and thus sex itself.

The Daily Mail tells the story of Jamie and her child Dempsey, eight. Put forth in a headline that, like Janeen's, uses defiant prose - "mum ACCUSED OF CHILD ABUSE for letting her child transition". Janeen and Jamie both describe an early orientation towards dolls, dresses and long hair. In fact, Jamie goes so far as to say 'She would become hysterical and visibly traumatized when we cut her hair"


I'm yet to understand why anyone would be so fervently invested in conforming to gender roles they would insist their little boy had to have short hair even if it meant they were hysterical and left traumatised. Quite frankly, what the fuck? If it was bullying they were concerned about, what makes them think the teasing of a primary age child is more significant than having their parents overrule their bodily autonomy? Is 'you look like a girl' more damaging than being left traumatised by the unnecessary cutting of hair and consequent loss of trust in a parent? How could the parent do that? And why is it such a non-negotiable that no boy can have long hair because of bullying, but simultaneously liberating to reintroduce a child to school as a different sex?

Surely, the trick to managing bullying is to give the child inner resilience? For the child to make the choice to have longer hair, to know other kids might take the piss but that it's weak, it's regressive, and they have been taught it. Maybe a little like how kids are taught transphobia is harmful, learnt and untolerable?

This inner resilience is in desperately short supply in trans literature. The suicide lines, the self harm, the risk of parental alienation if the parentbdoes not acquiesce to their child's demands. All of it teaches society and trans people themselves that they are fragile as spun glass; the act of 'deadnaming' or 'misgendering' can be deadly; not being accepted, or being 'outed' is too; that women who care about their sex based rights are TERFs and TERFs want to deny humanity, erase identity, exclude and harm trans people; that everything not explicitly affirmative is a dog whistle and of course, trans people are murdered in a growing epidemic of transphobic hate.

Clinicians at the Tavistock had claimed that children went through terrible homophobic bullying until coming out as trans, and then being more popular than ever. We have to give some thought as to the love-bombing these kids can experience; the outside support which may include their parents being cautioned and reprimanded by the school, therapists, even the courts. If the parents still drag their feet, they have a whole 'rainbow family' waiting with open arms, pep talks and scornful words for mum and dad. If only children experiencing homophobic bullying at school or home got this level of institutional handholding. Add to this the parents have at times been reported as finding a trans child easier to stomach as a gay one, I think there's some dangerous thinking going on here.

Jamie says Dempsey would return home from preschool crying, saying that playing with 'girls' toys had resulted in name calling. That's a very strict environment. I wonder what could be reinforcing this gender binary? It's startling this is at preschool. What did they do to address this?

Well, Jamie and husband Dennis went and spoke to the preschool about Dempsey's "toy preferences and gender non-conforming expression"

'They told us that they accepted Dempsey as she was but couldn't stop the bullying by other children if she chose to wear feminine accessories"

In preschool? The heavy teacher / student ratio can't prevent everything, maybe, but why not demand they address this? Why not insist that they get in early with anti-bullying lessons and conversation over the cruelty and inexcusable nature of it? Jamie goes on "at this time, Dempsey was still insistent on using he/him pronouns, which made the situation difficult at that time." I'm sorry, I can't believe this. It really seems it was a simpler and easier to categorise, and possibly, evade the judgement we feel as parents. "My child isn't strange, my child has a medical condition which is today's cause célèb".


Dempsey was four when she was diagnosed with gender dysphoria by a paediatric mental health professional. I'm pretty sure that's impossibly early. While there may have been many signs, this is a child barely able to articulate basic emotions. Why does it need labelling at four? Interestingly, the article mentions how one former paediatrician said Dempsey was going through a phase, and 'transgenderism isn't real'. Jamie claims this paediatrician then spoke about the family behind her back and referred to them as freaks - that'san extremely serious breach of professional conduct. How this was discovered is not divulged, and what happened after is not, either. But, we know one paediatrician dismissed the idea this child is trans, and that's one they dumped

The misinformed comments from other adults began. This apparently inspired them to start an Instagram account to follow Dempsey's journey and to educate others on what it means to be trans.

Somehow this was a better option than going into the school to insist some much needed anti-bullying and gender demolition be considered. Or even a meeting with other parents, maybe beginning with the more sympathetic ones, to form a core support around this kid. No, everything specifically centred on this child and their special requirements. Remove all boundaries and privacy in the world of a struggling, confused and targeted child...

Once, Dempsey was in the trolley at a supermarket, still with short hair but in a dress and holding a dolly. While sat, trapped in this trolley a man apparently thought it was his prerogative to question Dempsey and asked if the dress and doll belonged to a sister. We're told that Dempsey replied, "No, these are my things" which is a great answer. The man replied that "This is disgusting, you're a boy." He then turned to look at Dad, "telling him that we were bad parents and should be reported for child abuse" so dad, Dennis, issued a mind your own business instruction along with a couple of curse words. This sounds like a heavily gender stereotyped culture. It's amazing to me a random guy would see fit to challenge such a small child when being pushed around in a supermarket by their dad. It's extremely sad, and infuriating. Now Dempsey has long hair is as such less clockable as a boy, why invite more intrusion?
So, this is the narrative: loving family against the world. There's a hundred or more others we could look at with the same threads; the attraction to the 'wrong' toys and clothes, the tears, the fights, the struggle to accept and to gain acceptance from others. These stories do not obscure the face of these kids, they lay bare their internal struggles while never delving into anything more personal, because they can't. But, like with Susie Green's TedTalk, early rows based on the response of a homophobic parent seem common in the adult's stories. The fear of bullying and inability to have it addressed are common, but, as obviously it is unethical, sexual abuse is also never spoken of. It's impossible to dig deeper with an innocent child's face beamed at you. We can't discuss what we might otherwise. It's a rainbow wrapper around a completed, indisputable story.
Our better instincts tell us not to mess with this; not to criticise other parents and not to drag out further details of the life of a child, placed front and centre in the happy tale of how to flourish in adversity. How these children may struggle later on, especially if they begin to desist, is anyone's guess - and I hope it's all unicorns, triumph-through-adversity too. I do. Just, forgive my reticence in calling this now.