It's another Steph's Place response - The last one. Promise

"5th June. 

Karen White Was Not Transgender

Stephen Woods aka Karen White used a false persona"

It would appear my review of Steph's Place's 'exposè' of Karen White aka Stephen Woods has resulted in severe triggering.

I did tweet Steph with the blog and ask for a response, but apparently he preferred to do the ironing (like a lady), thought I felt threatened and blocked me.
A week later, this appeared.

Julie Miller, another on Steph's 'team' was equally scornful, saying my use of the word 'nonce' to describe 'people who had committed suicide' was sickening. Thing is, I hadn't. I referred to nonces as nonces, and I steadfastly refuse to give them a posthumous pardon. One of them raped a four year old girl. No. Nicola Cope is a nonce, just like Jade Eatough, Marie Dean, the nonce formerly known as Nicola Florida and all the other NONCES.

Steph, no one is accusing you of being like White/Woods. No one. Please stop taking offence at the concern over the welfare of women. It does not look great on an elderly gentleman. 
Paul is also on Steph's team

Update! Steph's Paul has only gone and thoroughly debunked Steph's exposè with one blunt, hackneyed claim. Bloody hell, try to remember the company line mate. I just hope for your sake Steph doesn't see this. Or develops the logical cognition to understand the implications. Nerve wracking ..!

Original here, my ripostes are here and here
"It is funny how we all remember some conversations - "Oh, he was terrible", said a very high profile, gender-critical person to me once. She was referring to Stephen Wood, also known as David Thompson and more infamously as one Karen White."

(What is the point of this? 'Oh, he was terrible' is an anecdote? Like your underworld informants were... informed?)

"Karen White is one of the centre stones of 'terf ideology' - using an example of an individual case to smear the British transgender community."

(Here we go - accusing feminists of using smears while using an anti feminist slur frequently accompanied by rape and death threats. There's no such thing as 'TERF ideology'. There is radical feminism, and there is a broader recognition of male violence against women, and biological reality that permeates the whole of humanity - whether they chose ro admit it or not. But I see details, logical consistency and nuance are not strong points at Steph's Place.
Again, I'd like to know were you chanting 'not all men!' Before transition? Do you feel slighted by BLM activists?)

"To be fair, the gender-crits did not manufacture the Karen White issue - it was 'manufactured' by the reporting of the national press. "

(No, Steph, let's be honest - it was 'manufactured' by a grubby, amoral sex case who saw an opportunity that we have been warning about for years. It's nothing new, half of trans prisoners are sex offenders. Pretty concerning, especially considering how many times being trans has worked in mitigation and prevented someone being imprisoned)

"In short, anti-trans or sloppy journalists saw the words 'transgender 'sex offender' 'rape' 'attack' 'prison' 'women' 'trial' 'female estate' and 'guilty' - not looking into the actual facts of the case."

(Sloppy journalism? Please give me the tools to decipher between White and a 'bona fide trans woman'. Please tell me how I tell a transsexual from a cross dresser without the renowned genital checks.

You, Stepheny, got every single point wrong in your ideological screed. You know what's worse than not caring about truly vulnerable women? Using that apathy to maintain your grandiose, targeted ideological supremacy, keeping us in our miserable reserved places. You have a daughter, you say. What if she went to prison? Can you imagine having a child in that situation?
The hate for gender nonconformity is real - and there's few greater gender violations than for women to be incarcerated)

"A few local reporters following the trial did, but they were drowned out by the national press and, in particular, the right-wing newspapers who love to headline anti-trans stories."

"So the mud stuck."

(To whom? You genuinely think you're the victim here, even though no one associates you with White, even though you have a little clique with matchy-matchy haircuts, disposable income and time to focus on your pet projects. You are the victim, huh?)

"And today, three years on, we are still trying to convince the vast majority of people of the injustice the trans community feels of the Karen White slur."

(Oh, I know you feel it's an injustice. If only self identification campaigners had listened, huh? And if only you could manufacture a teeny, miniature fuck for the women who were seriously assaulted)

"So let's look again at this case and hope that some decent journalist from the national media will lay the Karen White ghost one day."

(This non-journalist has. And it's clearly triggered you, but what a pity you wouldn't respond to me, rather than dismissing me and blocking me...)

"The trial that got all the headlines took place in October 2018 at Bradford Crown Court.

The prosecutors were Mr Christopher Dunn, assisted by Miss Charlotte Dangerfield."

(Why do we need this filler? It's like you got nothing, but think it gives you an appearance of insight)

"The charges to which Stephen Wood (aka Karen White) was pleading guilty were that of multiple counts of rape, sexual assault, and unlawful (malicious) wounding. The earliest case of rape occurred in 2003, and previously Stephen Wood had served time in prison for indecent exposure and sexual assaults on children.

There was no question Stephen Wood had an abhorrent history of human abuse - he was a classic 'Category A' sex offender."

(Well now, considering a convicted sex offender helped draw up trans inclusion in prison rules, are you really that shocked?)

"But what went wrong that enabled Wood to get transferred to the female-prison estate?

Actually, several things."

(Self identification fanatics. Stonewall. Squealing wailing misogynistic bastards. An institutionalised hatred of women. 'Trans women are women' on blast every fuckin day. 'You don't get to police other people's gender!'. An incredible concentration on trans offenders who's background of rape and murder is obscured, while they are presented as victims . See the earlier blogs, Transgressions and They say they never feel safe but who are they?

Do you oppose this, Steph?
"Wood was very aware that the Prison Service procedures at that time (they have subsequently changed) meant that he could self-identify as a trans woman and easily get transferred to the female estate. This offered Wood two significant advantages."

(Here's who reviewed the policy that allowed this to occur: "Two external consultants were used to inform the review process. These were Peter Dawson (Deputy Director, Prison Reform Trust) and Jay Stewart (Director, Gendered Intelligence). The review gathered evidence from a wide range ... including many in the transgender community, and met transgender prisoners serving both long and short sentences. To our knowledge female prisoners who may be forced to live alongside male-born prisoners were not consulted and no organisations specialising in advocacy work for women were involved in the review (such as Women In Prison)

"The new transgender policy brought with it many welcome improvements ... However, the review also relaxed the rules. Previously to this, legal gender change (through acquisition of a Gender Recognition Certificate) and/or having had genital surgery were the main determinants of eligibility."
He got lucky - still, Jenny Ann Bishop thinks it's not a systemic fail -

"The case boards are a good way of doing things – you can’t say the system is wrong when it goes wrong once."

(A huge comfort to those women, innit?)

"It is almost the exception that proves the rule – you’ve just got to look at what went wrong and make sure it doesn’t happen again. No system is perfect. It’s human nature that people will sometimes get it wrong."

"Firstly he himself would be in a safer environment. The male prison estate is not exactly welcoming of sex offenders unless they are housed in an 'all sex offender prison', such as HMP Stafford for example.

(More filler. He's an old bruiser who loves a scrap and isn't who I mentally picture when imagining a scared inmate. He was also under serious non-sex offence charges - easy to pin it on stabbing, stare a few inmates down and live in relative peace. In fact, if you look at Transgressions you'll see one prisoner who raped and murdered a vulnerable cellmate to do just that - serve a serious sentence for something other than a sex crime)

"Secondly, he would be close to vulnerable cisgendered females and trans women - potentially more victims. As a remand prisoner, he also enjoyed more rights - bear in mind the sexual assaults that occurred while in prison were pre-trial.

"Wood, on self-identifying within the prison system as "trans", was subsequently transferred to HMP New Hall, Wakefield (within the female estate), where he then started to wear a wig and female clothing using the name Karen White."

(BULLSHIT. I told you he was presenting as Karen years before. Studiously ignored, but it's blatant. Jenny Ann Bishop (of transforum) spoke of knowing 'Karen' back in 2013 -

“When I met her she was at the beginning of her transition. “She seemed like somebody who was very much going to plough her own furrow regardless of the community advice, and she was going to demand her rights"

(Nice of Jenny to stick with the female pronouns, isn't it? And here's an excerpt from transgendersupport.org
"Before entering the prison system White was living in a social housing complex.
One of the residents said:
“We did not have a problem with her being transgender. We already had another transgender woman living here and we all got on just fine,” the woman said. “She was always calling the police accusing us of hate crimes against her")

"Within a few days, White began to cause upset, and allegedly four incidents occurred these were:

(1) Stood close to another inmate, touched her arm and exposed herself.'

(Herself? Is Karen a transwoman or not?)

"(2) Pushed herself indecently against another prisoner."

(You mean pushed his exposed and erect penis into a woman while in a confined space? From The Birmingham Mail)

"The complainant, while waiting, felt something hard press against the small of her back. She turned around to see the defendant stood there. She could see the defendant's penis erect and sticking out of the top of his pants, covered by his tights."

"(3) Kissed an inmate on the neck."

"(4) Made inappropriate comments about oral sex and then put a female inmates hand on the ‘Whites left breast’ so she could feel her padded bra."

(Sounds like you're downplaying this here. Quite a lot. These women had already been gaslit, were trapped and then assaulted)

"After complaints, White was interviewed about the alleged four incidents - but contested two of them. For the other two incidents where there was apparently witnesses, he agreed to plead guilty to the subsequent charges.

"And so to court where Christopher Dunn, the senior prosecutor, said these words about Stephen Wood's sudden claim to be transgender when in the male estate:

"Allegedly’ transgender. The prosecution says allegedly because there are smatterings of evidence in this case that the defendant’s approach to transitioning has been less than committed."

"Then Mr Dunn added

“The prosecution suggests the reason for the lack of commitment towards transitioning is so the defendant can use a transgender persona to put herself in contact with vulnerable persons she can then abuse”.

(Do you seriously think he is an aberration? Why are 48% of trans prisoners currently serving time for sex offences? Do you not think it at all possible he was getting a kick out of the dress up? You don't believe he could be diagnosed with autogynephilia / transvestic disorder?)

"The national press did not report these vital facts and statements. There was an image of White in a wig, and that was it - he was trans.
(Bullshit. Here's your much hated The Times "Rapist Karen White in women's jail was trans faker". It contains this sentence:

"The government is holding consultations on proposals to allow people to “self-declare” their legal gender. Campaigners fear that opportunists will exploit the changes to gain access to protected female spaces."

(And you really should focus on preaching at your own, culpable, choir)











("White entered the UK prison system as
transgender" Says the Guardian

"The Yorkshire Evening Post reported differently - but what chance have they got against the coverage of The Times, Daily Mail, Telegraph, The Guardian et al.

None.

And more to the point, newspapers HATE admitting mistakes.

"Even in high profile cases, eventual apologies are often buried in small print on page 19. In short, newspapers can very often print whatever they want, and they can get away with it!

(White/Woods was identifying as trans before prison. However, most outlets reported on him as a predatory man who abused the system)

"In sentencing, the judge Mr Christpopher Batty said:

"You are a predator and highly manipulative. In my view, you are a danger. You raped two women. You sexually assaulted two more. You stabbed an elderly male in his home. You don't accept any responsibility [for the offences]."

"Stephen Wood serves his time in a male prison - but thanks to him and the errors of the prison service, bona fide trans women serve their time in male jails too.



(Ok. Both Alex and Danielle above say they are women. There are many more self identifying transwomen who have made no medical transition whatsoever.
Is that a women's prison they would go to, or a men's? What about your friend Julie who identifies as a woman half the week? How many adjustments are you expecting the prisons to make? What about non binaries?)

"And before we get into any gender critical cries of ‘well this is exactly what we said would happen with Self ID!’ let’s just firmly put a stop to that right here - prisons are a unique environment where we, as those who have a genuine respect for the safety of everyone, are making it clear that a problem existed but it is unique to prisons.

(That is such a lie - No one made an exception for prisons, EVER. Find me one example)

"This is an isolated area..."

(Except for all the other cases like Jessica Winfield, Kayleigh Louise Woods, Alex Baker, Paris Green or any of the many, many here)

"...where there is clear evidence of cisgender men identifying a genuine advantage to lie and take on a trans persona - there is simply no evidence that there is anywhere outside a prison environment where they have identified a similar advantage - they can already dress as a women to gain easy access to any women’s space but the clear evidence is they don’t see this as a viable opportunity in everyday life."

(Seriously, really? Not to be a Girl Guides leader and take girls away for the weekend? Not to get off within earshot of women in their bathrooms and changing rooms? There's so much evidence of it...)

"This is an issue unique to prisons and we have no issue in highlighting this.

"What is however just as important to note is that this vile case of Karen White was 3 years ago, yet still his crimes are thrown at us time and time again as if proof of the danger trans women are - 3 years on and not only is the example used incorrectly as he isn’t transgender but none others have been highlighted - so it just proves how rare it is for such crimes to be committed by trans women."

(Why didn't you check out our other blogs, Steph? Seems like you're extremely well barricaded into that echo chamber, it must get a bit stifling and smelly. Here's one of prisons - like all the others, it's completely backed up with links to original sources)

"Cisgender men still represent the genuine threat to women’s safety and ‘Karen White’ is just another clear example of that MALE cisgender threat."

(Are Dawn Love, Nicola Cope, Ella Davies, Jessica Ann Smith, Tiffany Scott, Jacinta Brooks, Aza McKinnon, Pauline Long, Davina Ayreton, Jessica Winfield, all the ones in the Rich Fantasy blog also 'cisgender'? Can you tell me how to spot the difference?)

"Everyone - cisgender and transgender has the right to be safe while in prison."

(Yes! Yes they do)

"Sadly though, on average, a trans prisoner suffers a sexual assault in the male estate every three days."

(Erm, that article says there were 11 sexual assaults against trans people in prison - just under one a month... Did you think we wouldn't look?)

"Do the gender-critical care about this horrific fact?

No, of course not."

(Don't be silly. You're the one dispensing zero fucks for the women abused. We want you to have trans only wings. Your side says no, it's not affirming enough)

"They dont care that trans women are threatened, beaten, raped."

(Projection... You are the one making this about transwomen. No one else. You are the one playing down the sexual assaults on incarcerated women, who suffer appalling rates of sexual abuse, violent trauma etc from men.)

"They don't care that Karen White used a trans persona - its works for their agenda to ensure White is branded "trans."

(Lies - the point that self ID removes all safeguards and will be abused is frequently cited. And dismissed by hollow laugh reacts, mocking and misogynistic slurs)

"We uncover the full and true situation of transgender crime stats and UK prisons in this feature article:"

https://www.stephsplace.uk/fair-play-to-women-and-transgender-crime.cfm

(To be perfectly honest, I can't be arsed with this now. It's too low hanging and just grim. Anyone reading these blogs will know just how unflinchingly wrong you are. I'm leaving the nonsense Steph so defensively promotes now. Maybe they can move onto something positive)

"Honesty matters"

(To who? It does matter to me - That it's genuine, that it's not a stack of tedious, cherry-picked bollox tarted up with a heart in a logo, a head tilt and grandiose, faux-objective hyperbole)

"Truth matters. "

(Regurgitating mantras like a rabid brexiteer won't convince, Steph)

"And the truth is Karen White only took on a trans persona once entering the prison estate. "

(Proved that's bollox tho, didn't I? Over a week ago, and showed it to you for a response)

Authored by Steph @PlaceSteph (murdered link 👻)
Steph, this is bad. But not just that. You're arrogantly centring your own feelings, as a person not affected, over the horrendous crimes of White and the hundreds of other cases in the UK alone. It comes over as deluded, self aggrandizing and utterly devoid of any concern for women - I fail to understand how you can so egregiously ignore them, while staking claim to that same being yourself.

Anyone genuinely interested in the failures that led to this atrocity, here's a copy/pasted Times article why was a convicted paedophile housed in a women's prison?

Is This Advocacy?

Here's Nicole, who studies sexual assault and how it's covered up by organisations. She likes to present herself as a victim's advocate, but became a victim shaming ideologue, chastising the wrong sort of survivor in one breathtaking dive. It's quite incredible how a woman who claims to understand a bit about sexual violence can turn on victims begging her to listen. How does it happen?

First, know there's intense pressure on anyone in the public eye. Even worse for someone building their own little pedestal in it. Then, the claustrophobic grip this ideology has in academia, add the fact this 'advocate' is a young woman, and it's not surprising. Or, maybe she's purely motivated by egocentrism, ambition, completely drained of independent thought. What else but 'stand by victims' in the age of #MeToo, reel off some vapid critique of capitalism, call yourself queer and get happy clappy?! There's a particular slogan though that has a predictably stupid lie; 'Transwomen are women!'

In some way a flicker of pity crosses me. I think how miserable it must be to know being an intersectional crusader is mandatory unless you fancy unhinged abuse, scurrilously dishonest gossip and an impossibly hostile working environment. You aren't allowed to just not engage  - allyship isn't a neutral position of goodwill, it means destroying those TERFs. It means never letting the slightest faux pas slip by. It means judging everyone on the words they do or don't use, checking out their previous tweets like forensics check out a nonce's computer. See the word 'woman' on their avatar? Fucking burn them!

The pressure's real, but it doesn't justify being an contemptuous, dismissive bastard to rape victims. There is even an option to be brave, to be a feminist. It doesn't necessarily mean shouting it from the rooftops, it could involve quiet non-conformity. It does, however, scupper your chances of rapidly building a fan base online by singing with the queer choir and reaping those easy awoken tokens.

If there is one thing underpinning this, even more than the 'be kind', 'don't make a scene' social grooming of girls, it is this; privilege.

It's all very well saying you stand with the oppressed, but who are they? Are they children working in cobalt mines in Africa? The iPhone workers throwing themselves to their deaths? I guess they'd agree that yes, this is bad, they might have even tweeted on it once. But this is the politics of home. So the oppressed are of course the poor, the abused and often the women, but only ish.

The group who take up most time, most space, are trans people. This is the new frontier of civil rights. It gets them tokens rolling in, too, so what the hell? 

The fact this is build on a morbid, histrionic web of lies is a problem, which is why the awkward questions should be wrapped up with a handy maxim, held at arms length and dropped into the bin / memory hole immediately. You can't leave it there - it spreads disease, a kid could step in it, and there's penalties too.

Thing is, it isn't shit. It is none of the things we are told - theirs is a performance of civic duty that has as much basis in justice and reason as drowning women to prove them innocent.

It is impossible to win an argument built on fact with trite, flimsy mantras - which necessitates the charade. Hence the farcical responses you'll see in these screen shots and the insta-block she uses with immediate effect.

But it's hardly just Nicole. A wealthy, weak militia of well-loved, cossetted intellectuals and fans exist, and their only introduction to suffering was an entitled white male weeping about oppression in university, or an article about a rapist who's very distressed over their inhuman treatment as a newly out trans woman, á la Synthia-China Blast. Unless they are bravely inquisitive it is impossible to understand what this ideology does to those of us with (relative to the West) nothing.

Now I don't know if Nicole has suffered sexual violence, I wouldn't speculate and I'm not suggesting her stance is incompatible with it. What her stance is incompatible with however is the experience of marginalised, poor women who have nowhere but state and charity funded spaces.

Can Nicole honestly relate to being a 16 year old care leaver, who endured violence and neglect throughout life, now placed in some God awful move-on hostel? Can she relate to the state of never having had reliable, compassionate family? Never having someone to call if you really messed up? Never having someone to help out when you have no food, no electricity on the meter, when you cant afford sanitary products, a new pair of shoes? I don't think so.

Have any of these people experienced life in a hostel, or homeless with just a day centre to wash in? How about prison? No. Of course not. 

If the happy, smug, queer choir went through a rape, or were stalked, or escaping domestic violence, would they be left crying in the busy council office with letters from the police victims officer as proof of their situation, as they begged for a place tonight? Or would they pretty much be swept up by functioning, loving family and friends with a spare room or sofa? Would they be forced to carry their belongings in carrier bags to the other side of town, where a b&b owner waited to give them a stern run down on the rules? Would they have their own shower to sit in and cry as they pick the grit out of their knees, with people waiting to hear how they are and comfort them? I think so, and if they didn't, there'd be a gofundme up, being widely shared and earning within 24 hrs.

Do the gender warriors who spit at the idea of same sex spaces to heal in ever think they'll need them? Clearly not. And still, for the young me I wouldn't be entitled to it, despite having not even a winter coat. If they, with their expensive education, careers, shiny hair and great teeth, were terrified and forced into leaving town by an obsessive ex, would they get a solicitor? Is it possible people like Nicole are treated as more innocent, more worthy, more important than a shaky, dirty drug addict who was dragged through foster care and has previous dealings with the law? If they argue no to this, they really have no decency, honesty or consistency. And that would be no surprise.

I'm a white, 'cisgender' woman. If they had a solitary fucking clue about their celebrated intersectionality though they would know it's not always that simple. I know I'm not the worst off, like Nicole I can perform respectability online if I want. I'm literate, I'm not starving or scrabbling around for dropped change anymore, hence this blog.

I've a few points to make though. Before others my age were revising for their GCSEs, I was homeless. I was preyed on by men and would go home with them for the night to (hopefully) get some sleep in a bed, watch tv, drink alcohol and act like a grown up before being fucked. I was begging, shoplifting (too young for benefits, no one knew where I was and they never looked) and treated like shit.

Does Nicole actually believe this? Are men really our white knights, only prevented from protecting us by the segregation we irrationally demand? I did ask her, but was blocked. 

They talk about how hard it is for trans people to use toilets - they should try using one when visibly homeless. Try walking into a city centre toilet with their attendants while dragging your drenched bedding. Try it for an afternoon. Going everywhere with your wet, heavy bedding because if you hang it up or leave it somewhere, there's a high chance the street collection will bin it. Try living like that in a northern winter, dealing with violent, lascivious men walking home on a Friday night. Try it.

I was so, so terrified, I felt like I was on a tight rope. I was so frightened and so doomed I just stared blankly ahead, trying to keep going by autopilot and never ever looking down. I missed my seemingly unreachable siblings as they hurtled off on their own journeys, like rubber balls bouncing off hard floors. I broke at the sight of intimacy between people and let another man fuck me hoping I'd get used to it. I had to improvise. Alcohol was useful at first, but heroin was my only comfort, it was essential palliative care for me.

Relentless upheaval came with a monotonous, soul-destroying jingle that cheerfully reminded me it was always going to be the same. I got a boyfriend, started staying at his place until he snuck some gear past me one afternoon and died in the bathroom. I was in a hostel, then got kicked out for letting my new boyfriend in. I got into a better one, a girl's hostel, where I felt sorority and was taught basic life skills. But it gets in your bones, the implied consensus you are subhuman. I was, I was sure, far beneath the other girls. I was still using and in the same circles. And I really tried, I tried so, so hard. But I couldn't stop it. 

Which, funnily enough, is a consequence of the abuse I went through as a small child and my inability to process or confront it. I would get sudden waves of what felt like stage fright, I was paranoid, constantly on high alert. It never stopped, yet many real dangers passed by undetected.

I don't care who it is when I recognise this in someone. They could be a woman or man and it's irrelevant if they're trans. It could be an animal - it breaks me to see it. Unlike rigidly authoritarian ideologues, I don't have to fully agree or even like that person to feel deep pain, an urgency to help them. No one should be that traumatised and alone in a country where it can be fixed. Everyone should be able to access somewhere.

So, I really do have compassion for victims. It doesn't matter what demographic they hail from. I want what is best for all of them. 

I never broke the gender rules much back as a kid. It was impossible. My abuse was never a consequence of breaking them although I'm sure it enabled my abuser. Strangely though, Nicole is the one singing and dancing about gender. I think it's shit.

When I was that young, that broken, the most terrifying prospect was to be arrested and 'returned'. I couldn't risk that, so I lay low. I was just a street drinker, a junkie. I couldn't admit my age and vulnerability, so I had no leverage. Once I'd reached adulthood I was too dysfunctional to manage. I couldn't keep up my community charges in hostels, I couldn't stop using. Around and around it went with more injuries on each lap. 

I got into abusive relationships, because that is what homeless girls do. Being alone leaves vultures to circle unchallenged. I was claimed by men I'd taken an instant dislike to, because I couldn't say no, I couldn't trust my judgement, I was a fuck up. 

I wasn't just a pushover and a victim though. I couldn't have been. I could often intimidate people if I wanted to. I defended my stuff and myself, verbally, physically. But that comes with risks, and those risks can result in hard lessons that teach you when to fight and when to flee, when to freeze.

In hostels there's often a delicate balance that's shifted with the arrival or departure of every person. Most hostels aren't so big, you normally get to know people's names. There has long been a dearth of places for women, as most hostels were set up for men, functioning often as bail addresses, and refuges are specialist and heaving. You sometimes get hostels run by charities based on religious fellowships that offer beautiful living quarters, but they come with zero privacy, dorm rooms, curfews, breath testing on the door, no visitors, you have to spent half your dole on the charges and they dictate dinner time, demand group activities. Having been through what I had before, it was impossible, repellent, frightening to me.

I was sexually assaulted many times, I guess I had that mark on my head. I nervously giggled at inappropriate remarks or touches, I kept on shrinking smaller and smaller. I've heard 'don't you dare' many times too, and it never means anything good.

There was one time I wasn't 'just' assaulted while passed out, or coerced, but violently attacked with explicit threat to my life. I left the police station knowing they hadn't tried much with the forensics, in clothes from lost property that hung off me, checking behind me as I was sure he'd be out and looking for me. I was desperate, dirty, with not a single person to call on. I got hugs from my street mates, who were, in truth, excited with the drama and quick to compete. That's how we lived, lurching from one death to another, one tall tale followed by another, more tragedy or horror. It's like a soap opera where a vastly disproportionate number of deaths and tragedies occur, only to be forgotten within the month.

I really, really needed somewhere of my own. To just be safe and warm. It felt like forever since I'd had that. The idea of having my own t.v. to watch, having a bath and going to bed, was too painful to contemplate.

I cried and then I emotionally buffered, I went very, very still inside. I was scared and exhausted from fear. I stopped. I froze like a million headlights had picked me out of the darkness. I wanted to disappear but only did in the same ways as before - invisible via studious avoidance of passers by. It was a performance, an unspoken conspiracy to never acknowledge me unless near property or the vulnerable. And I understood it. I understood very well.

I was treated with love by women in the day centre. It was actual love. They went above and beyond for me and it was the most beautiful, uncomfortable and guilt ridden feeling I'd ever had. I contended, within a couple of weeks, I was over the worst and I hadn't been that hurt. I rationalised with self-talk I can't even hint at here.

I went headlong into heroin telling myself my growing habit would be ok once I was on methadone.  When the methadone began I was flung backwards, I couldn't cope. I really needed it, and they wouldn't let me have it. They warned me, they stopped my script, they never helped me get the things that made me safe and warm. There was a nail bomb in my head and I could not diffuse it with dilated pupils and shaking hands.

I thought I'd dusted myself off, I got a place in a hostel and I tried to avoid the staff with their eyes on my drug use and alcoholism. I kept staring blankly ahead, fixated on my next score. I'd grown up enough, been traumatised enough by my time sleeping rough, and I valued having a roof over my head. All I wanted was to stick it out til I got social housing. 

It was noisy. There were fights. Every bit of support I got was limited and conditional. A key worker might be lovely to you, then blank you in the street. They forget things you divulged with great trust, due to the overwork, or something... How fucking stupid was I, to open up like that? That's what makes me a victim. I have to stop that. They can turn to someone else in a flash, telling you to tone it down, to issue warnings about how you staggered in one night, or just out of absolute compassion fatigue. No one is reliable.

Prison was worse. The boredom, the seaches, deprivation, theft and competition. The huge injustice of your boyfriend, who you took the rap for, now mysteriously not responding to letters or calls. The damage everywhere, in everyone. The non-existence of education or pastimes, the sleep broken by noises, and the knowledge you're never alone - it's exhausting. It never was possible to drop the coping mechanism of dulling the pain. I was caught in the past and surrounded by others trapped in theirs. I was blockaded in with intractable grief.

Than men - see that, Nicole? Is this misgendering or admission? Even though it isn't really true. How many more than women? 

I try to not constantly reflect on my experiences when seeing other people make mistakes or behave badly, but it's hard sometimes. One thing I'd feel good about myself for was my refusal to steal from people, although I realise now that wasn't always true. To me, my pain had justified my entitlement, but presumably some aspects of my childhood my parent's hadn't completely fucked up on gave me some ethical basis to live by. The thing that cuts me down to the bone is the hopeful, innocent naivety I had when confronted with men who managed to manipulate my emotions and assessment of them. They might just groom with drugs and drink and cigarettes and that little puppy headtilt that tells you they're listening. It might be more niche and refined. Either way, I picture myself as a scared little puppy which nervously cowers and wags its tail, hoping they won't be hit again. 

That image is seared into my brain as I remember the men who seemed harmless, the man with lady's jeans and name who turned on a dime into a scary, hyper-aggressive embodiment of toxic masculinity and how I tried to slip his gaze. I was fully aware he was dangerous really, I stumbled on his preferred pronouns despite trying and bristled at his dominance, how he effortlessly silenced me, how I knew he was lying and sinister. But also, how I'd have instantly fought back at such conspicuous and direct obscenity and infringement on my space and dignity coming from someone who was without this performative shield. Even after all I'd seen that was difficult to say. It's baffling to me now, but negotiating a world which was heaving with dangerous men, I'd only seen the most obvious. I'd been gaslit forever, socialised to be nice, I'd learnt how being judged is crippling and wanted to escape that for myself, and maybe I still wanted to avoid perpetuating it on him. I couldn't see a woman in there, but I thought, somehow, that I should.

When I see the dismissal from these spoilt, ceremonial lib-fems, I notice again the categories we are boxed into for a sanitised collection and disposal. Bigot, well, that's an obvious choice. There's no way to be too harsh on someone if they're a bigot (although it's telling the woman using this is highly educated but unable to see it is her who is unable to hear a different opinion). How about Jameela's choice of gif - a man striking another in the face with a cane, with 'not today, peasant'. Interesting, isn't it?

peasant

/ˈpɛz(ə)nt/

Learn to pronounce

noun

1. a poor smallholder or agricultural labourer of low social status (chiefly in historical use or with reference to subsistence farming in poorer countries).

   "peasants left the farms to work in industry"

   Similar:

   agricultural worker

   small farmer

   rustic

   son of the soil

   countryman

   countrywoman

   farmhand

   swain

   villein

   serf

   paysan

   muzhik

   kulak

   campesino

   paisano

   contadino

   fellah

   ryot

   carl

   cottier

   kern

   hind

   • DEROGATORY•INFORMAL

     an ignorant, rude, or unsophisticated person.

     "‘That is a civilized drink, you peasant’"

We're poor, ignorant, rude and unsophisticated. We're uncivilized. In a way, it's true - for many of us who actually have been in emergency accommodation for the homeless, for women fleeing domestic violence who don't have funds, friends or family to save them, for those of us in prison or psychiatric hospital, stripped of your most fundamental rights of autonomy. We might be every one of those things and ugly and nasty to boot. But, Nicole, Jameela and friends, it isn't you dragging your drenched baggage behind. It isn't you trying to reclaim your grip on reality, submerged with others still deep in their mental quicksand, while nurses insist you are on a female ward with only other women. They know this. They know the next victim of the next Karen White won't be them and it won't be anyone they know and love. It would take a crusade of almost unparalleled self destruction for one of these virtuous, magnanimous public influencers to be that recently raped woman, crying in the council office and clutching their police victim support details. There boundaries will remain unbreached.

It's a certain kind of woman who needs these spaces or is forced into them. 'Peasants' is fine. I'd prefer they just say it.

The lib-fems and their woke-bros stare ahead to their true believers, they smile blankly at these victims, diagnose wrongthink and spit out the bad taste in their mouths. They wear sequined blinkers and demand their boundaries are respected, throwing up blocks as shields to create a safe space those peasant women are not allowed.

This will come crashing down one day. I hope the applause makes all of the suffering of truly marginalised women worth it in years to come. I won't abandon feminism, but I also won't forget