I've long wondered if it could exist without being a part of a corrosive slide into ever worsening depravity and dehumanisation. I mean, surely it's possible?
Why does it have to be destructive, abusive, and delight in escalation? Why is there a market in gross-out stuff?
Why do so many porn actors look like grotesque parodies? Well, the female or transsexual ones, anyway.
The rock hard, globular breasts stuck to tiny, frail bodies and blown up lips? If any of the actors were going to get implants that resulted in permanently engorged and rigid bits, why not the men?
Is it to free the viewer from guilt, allow them to enjoy the degradation with the apparent distance given by silicon?
Why is there so much degradation in porn? The gross-out stuff, and ever increasing extremity and sadism?
This is not erotica, is it? This is not about the normal sexual excitement of sex between people.
The pornification of the women featured in it is justification, a "don't worry, this could never be your sister or daughter (unless you want it to be - because, we do that, too)" with the ready excuse of "you can't get offended by this - this isn't real, is it?' to mitigate the violation of young women being spat on, hit, choked, fucked with outsized implements and otherwise tortured for millions of average men. Our brothers and sons. Men who comfortably kick back while gesturing to libfem "sex work is real work" mantras when challenged.
 |
| This abysmal attempt at rationalisation could only work in a culture where working class, minimum wage occupations are viewed with complete contempt and where 'sex workers' are contained in a small, mythological subsection of society by shame. And I shouldn't need to explain, but that shaming and apparent exclusion is not at the feet of feminists |
I've never seen or heard of any porn that's just fun and hot and regular, but, maybe I wouldn't. Certainly, I don't look. It disturbs me.
I recently saw a clip of an interview by James English speaking to Sophie Anderson, an English porn actor with a thick Bristolian accent.
It was painful viewing, I had to stop it repeatedly, as Anderson, maybe taken aback at a man listening to her with something approaching sympathy, unleashed a torrential downpour of the abuse she had suffered since childhood.
I've often said early sexual abuse can leave victims with involuntary tells other predators spot a mile off.
The signs of these first woundings are so reliably abused the whole thing functions as community grooming. It's a victim creation project, operating under the radar of far too many.
Early life sexual abuse can be so devastating partly because it decimates boundaries and the child's trust in their own sense of reality.
Their identification with peers might be destroyed for lots of reasons, but secrets are especially isolating.
And, the abuser is gaslighting them, maybe letting them think they're their boyfriend, convincing them they want it, they like it, they made the first move. That they think you're a dumb kid, that you don't know what you're doing, or maybe it's that no one will believe you. Escaping the person doesn't necessarily break the cycle.
What is the porn industry if not a giant, corporate, rape culture hydra, positing male sexual gratification as a fundamental imperative, as well as the apex of the hierarchy of needs?
Where would they be without victims primed by paedophiles and rapists?
Those caught up in it are, despite protestations, often only distinguishable from the self harming, obvious walking wounded by a veneer of profession.
Most seem fixed in the depths of misery, stuck in those situations because it's the only way to feel they're in control. It has to be denied - or reframed as taking back control, because the truth is so exquisitely painful.
Sophie Anderson grew up with her dad and
younger sister.
Her mother was, she tells James English, absent for long periods and when she was around, selfish, abusive and cruel. She would only buy Sophie clothes for her birthday or Christmas, and use the opportunity to shame her.
Sophie was overweight as a child and the mother was anorexic. The mother would end up trying her new clothes on, having deliberately bought them too small, and making her look in the mirror she would criticise and berate her: 'look at you, look at the state of you."
"Look at me - I fit in clothes for girls your age? You're so fat and ugly. Look at you. Look at me".
Her mum has long since died of cancer, which has left her feeling guilt because she didn't contact her after diagnosis. James suggests she shouldn't feel guilty, but the floodgates have been opened and she begins to detail the sexual abuse at her mother's house, where she often had groups of sleazy men over. The poor woman has had no chance to unravel this.
The men her mother had round joined in with the humiliation - calling Sophie ugly and fat, taunting her.
She claims her sister would be unaware when, sitting on the sofa watching TV, Sophie would be called into the bedroom to watch her mum being fucked. One man was particularly nasty:
"He would really touch you, you know" she's rubbing and squeezing her breasts "fingering and all that..." her speech pattern falters. She was 14 and was regularly made to join in on her mother's orgies.
"They're nonces. They're fucking paedophiles, this makes me really sad Sophie" interjects James. She tries to acknowledge this while zooming straight past to detail another horror and explain that she is ok.
She talks about her partner, Damian, fellow porn actor Oliver Spedding. They are soul mates, she says. "He is good for my soul" she says, but still, Sophie is on a roll, hurtling through her history of abuse in an unsafe environment, reciting it all as a long monologue - a script.
That's hardly surprising, in fact it's a typical coping mechanism. She's never told anyone this, she confides.
At the age of ten, Sophie said she lost her virginity to a fourteen year old neighbour. She and her sister were playing in their garden where the two brothers had a tent. She laughs as she describes her sister and the other boy peeking through the gauze window from outside, as he 'did me in doggy.' It was a release, she says. It was a buzz.
She says "I know it sounds bad, but..." over and over again while minimising what she went through. It was different for her, because even at ten she "was very sexual".
She goes on to recall masturbating as a child in a horrible bit of justification, self-victim blame and sexualisation of herself as a child.
It's very uncomfortable to listen to, especially when you consider the type of men likely watching it.
One incident - she was sitting on her rocking horse and getting 'feelings' - sounds pretty typical. The other, that at age eight, she would masturbate by penetrating herself with candles in the garden shed, is flat out horrifying.
Having lost her virginity, the buzz she said she got from sex needed to be replicated, so she began contacting adult men over social media. She presents it as a choice; they were older men "because that's what I wanted". Her own free will. She knew what she was doing. "I was ten and I could go out and have sex with who I wanted"
She chose it, she reiterated as if it's a soothing mantra.
She tells us "at ten and older going to a particular pub in Bradford upon Avon, where, um, you could get a drink. So I would suck the guys off in their cars and they'd buy me drinks and weed".
But she particularly wants to say, she knew what she was doing. She was very aware.
It's at this point James English steps in, clearly dumbfounded at the extent of the horrors, telling her his daughter is twelve, and there is no way this was a choice, she was a kid. She might have felt like she was making a choice but she wasn't. "That's fucking paedophiles, nonces"
"Oh yeah. But, um, I particularly, you know, knew what I was doing"
"That's abuse Sophie, they were taking advantage of your vulnerability"
"Oh yeah, yeah it is" she keeps interjecting. They talk over each other. James looks concerned "fuck, you speaking like this, it breaks my fucking heart".
"I don't want to say I'm some kind of a victim and that's why I got into porn, yeah? I'm not a victim I'm very strong and independent and, um, but then I was choosing, so um, it's nothing like that. I was getting I wanted".
"If you think about it it was payment for my services".
She seems to think this was a more positive framing. But, probably, like convincing a concerned adult your 26 year old boyfriend really does love you, and you made the first move, making sure no one gets angry with the almighty porn industry is the critical point here.
She didn't get on with any kids her age. She started bunking the train to go see couples, as well as single men. Because of her high sex drive, she says. She's just like that, she would turn up at the men's house as a teen and tell them to sodomise her before demanding their cocaine. It's all evidence of how highly sexed she was.
Briefly, the gloom of wall-to-wall child abuse lifts as she talks about how much she loved performing arts, and had a beautiful singing voice. It's the only time I see a natural tone and inflection when she says she 'loved' anything. Her cocaine addiction has been difficult for her.
She's about 14, and she says she was seeing women through online and newspaper ads. This shocked me a little, although I believe her.
This evolved into 'dates' with older women at BDSM parties, and, of course - because all this was enjoyable for her, she is desperate for us to believe - she'd started fancying women at that time, so that was a win/win.
She tells us of "this older woman who was kind of a mum-like but she was domming me, she was slapping me and licking me and making me orgasm".
It is 21 minutes and 41 seconds and for now, I cannot stomach any more.
She is so damaged, teetering on the edge of a full-scale breakdown.
Until now she has wrapped it up under a sex positively label.
Her Twitter handle is SophieASlut. It was all her choice, yeah? Don't feel sorry for Sophie, she's living the dream. She boasts of having had sex with 20,000 men on this, 80,000 elsewhere.
She began working in a message parlour at 14. That's how old she was when lost her 'anal virginity'. That sounds bad, she admits, but she just loves sex.
I eventually managed to watch most of the interview. It did not get any easier. She spoke lovingly of her new boyfriend, who she went on to marry. He is also interviewed by English. The vibes are not good. The desperate wish to portray him as her saviour set red flags flying.
In the three years she had been in porn, she had made most of her money in a duo with a woman called Rebecca Moore. They called themselves 'The Cock Destroyers' and were vocal LGBTQIA2S++ allies. Icons, apparently.
But on meeting Damian, she left. There were recriminations, with Moore claiming Sophie sent unbelievably vicious emails about her and others suggesting Damian was the real author.
She talks about her abusive ex who fathered her child when she was a teen.
The boy was 15 at time of recording, but had decided to live with his dad's ex partner, which seems pretty strange.
Her sex industry work had directly impacted her son: the mother of another child at the school discovered her husband had been paying her for sex. There were pornographic images of Sophie all over his phone.
The child, according to Sophie, was told to tell her son all about it. It's difficult to get close to any insight on what this meant for the boy, who had to move schools several times after. She doesn't appear to reflect on that.
She did, however, ask her son what he thought when she entered porn. She says he was ok. I figure he would have been about twelve at the time. She's gutted he doesn't live with her anymore but claims Damian's three children are hers. Damian is due to come on and, I gather, talk about abuse he has suffered and how he has had to fight for custody of his children. He has previous for kidnap. They met on a porn set.
She describes her weekends escorting and going to swinger's parties, having sex with 80, 100 men over a weekend. And yes, she claims she loves it. It's that high sex drive. James English, having at times appeared to be concerned, has let all of this pass and now chuckles it makes him feel tired just hearing about it. "I'm happy with a blow job and a cuddle" he chimes in.
Whatever it is, she claims to enjoy it. In searching for her online I found a video of her being walked as a dog through Brixton market. She's in PVC, on a lead, yapping and cocking her leg against posts. It's the middle of the day. It breaks my heart and enrages me that men insist on degrading women to such degrees.
For Sophie Anderson, 'sex positivity' seems to mean enjoying literally everything. It extends to 'getting messy' ie. being shat on. The depth of denial is horrible.
She says Damian shits on her, and she loves it.
I want to rush her to safety and a de-indoctrination centre, packed full of therapists, where she can unravel the volley of unrelenting abuse she's been subject to, with enough support to parachute her down from the lies she's told herself, carry her when the reality hits. All the abuse, the shaming, the fact she's suffered agony with infection and even sepsis with those ludicrously huge implants...
She's clearly a good person, she cries at points because she hates the thought of this abuse happening to anyone else.
Some time after the interview, Sophie and Damian married.
Sadly, this was as much a happy ending as you might expect.
The couple were beset with rumours of abuse, and Sophie had been so ill with sepsis, and spent all her money on Damian. They were begging for donations online, and then there were hoaxes, where Damian claimed she had died.
And now, Sophie Anderson is dead.
It appears to have been a suicide, and happened two weeks after the sudden death and presumed suicide of Damian, AKA Oliver Spedding.
Following the news, a number of Sophie's friends went to the press with stories of how violent Spedding had been trafficking her for sex "across the country ... pimped out in a 'urine-soaked' camper van". This "despite Ms Anderson having lost one of her breasts to multiple sepsis infections."
"Sick pictures, reportedly too graphic to publish, appeared to show Sophie's blood-soaked leg with a deep 5in gash above her left knee, The Sun said.
"In a heartbreaking message to a friend in August, she sent the picture and wrote: 'That's what he's done to me tonight. Another cut, U know what babes I've had enough. Cut me with a Stanley blade.'
She had "gaping bloody wounds on her body" and he had "hit her head against the wall, stolen her phone and cash and would even stop her seeking medical attention".
What really got me was the reaction to the tragedy of her death. This is how these men - who walk among us in their millions - spoke of her:
Sophie Anderson's former co-'star' Rebecca Moore later released a video plea for James English to take the interview down. She had made herself too vulnerable, and it wasn't right it remained online.
I am also uncomfortable with the interview, whatever duty of care was or was not ensured, and that this poor woman's account of the worst bits of her life remain online.
But it is difficult, when others released compilations of her 'best bits' showing her being spunked on or penetrated.
I suppose unveiling the history of abuse that led to this woman becoming a porn 'star' is the most taboo of the lot.
Rest in Peace, Sophie.
-Addendum-
Other deaths:
Kagney Linn Karter
And reactions:
August Ames
Olivia Lua
Dahlia Skye
Holly Parker
Thaina Field
Olivia Nova
Rina Arano
Amber Rayne
Aimee Spencer
Angelina Please
Sophia Leone
Yurizan Beltran
Raven Alexis
Jessica Jaymes
Dakota Skye
Kris the Foxx
Jesse Jane
Damian Oliver
And this, from Kaeley Triller Harms,
posted 21st January 2022
"To the people trolling my page who promise me that porn never hurts anyone and that the poor souls caught in its web are healthy, thriving, and thoroughly enjoying their work:
I gave you testimonies. I gave you research. I gave you data, all of which you ignored because you really, really just don't want to give up your porn habit.
I don't suppose this will help either, but it's a non-exhaustive list of some of the porn actors and actresses who've died prematurely in the last 30 years or so. You tell me if you think their profession brought them joy and fulfillment in life.
* Megan Leigh | self-inflicted gunshot wound | age 26
* Tony Bravo | AIDS | age 31
* Keith Anthoni | AIDS | age 39
* Lee Ryder | AIDS | age 31
* Artie Mitchell | murder | age 45
* Nancee Kellee | suicide by hanging | age 33
* Tim Kramer | AIDS | age 34
* Al Parker | AIDS | age 40
* Chanel Price | overdose | age 35
* Rod Phillips | AIDS | age 32
* Scott Bond | AIDS | age 50
* Clint Lockner | AIDS | age 50
* Scott Taylor | AIDS | age 40
* Jeremy Scott | AIDS | age 32
* Glenn Steers | AIDS | age 36
* Joey Stefano | overdose | age 26
* “Savannah” | self-inflicted gunshot wound | 23
* Joe Simmons | AIDS | age 30
* Jon King | AIDS | age 32
* Pierce Daniels | AIDS | age 36
* Lon Flexx | AIDS | age 30
* Ben Barker | AIDS | age 43
* Alex Jordan | suicide by hanging | age 27
* Cal Jammer | self-inflicted gunshot wound | age 34
* Richard Locke | AIDS | age 55
* Christian Fox | overdose | age 22
* Steve Fox | self-inflicted gunshot wound | age 31
* J.D. Ram | overdose | age 28
* Wendy O’Williams | self-inflicted gunshot wound | age 48
* Trinity Loren | overdose | age 34
* Sparky O’Toole | AIDS | age 31
* David Morris | overdose | age 41
* Lolo Ferrari | overdose | age 37
* Jon Vincent | overdose | age 37
* Kyle McKenna | overdose | age 31
* Teri Diver | overdose | age 29
* Brett Ford | AIDS | age 31
* Elisa Bridges | overdose | age 28
* Mike Henson | overdose | age 38
* Sophie Roche | suicide | age 23
* Naughtia Childs | jumped off balcony while on drugs | age 29
* Jay Anthony | suicide | age 27
* Karen Dior | cirrhosis of the liver | age 37
* Rebecca Steele | overdose | age 42
* Johnny Rahm | suicide by hanging | age 39
* Taylor Summers | murdered after shooting a porn scene | age 23
* Chloe Jones | liver failure | age 29
* Eva Lux | overdose | age 32
* Juliette Jett | overdose | age 28
* Karen Lancaume | overdose | age 32
* Tim Barnett | suicide by hanging while in jail on rape charges | age 37
* Lance Heywood | suicide by jumping off a building | age 40
* Yumika Hayashi | choked on vomit while intoxicated | age 35
* Angela Devi | suicide by asphyxiation | age 30
* Kirby Scott | overdose | age 44
* Jon Dough | suicide by hanging | age 43
* Clarissa Doll | sucide | age 26
* Kristian Brooks | AIDS | age 35
* Johnny Rey | AIDS | age 42
* Austin Black | liver cancer | age 38
* Candice Rialson | liver failure | age 54
* “Rocky” | AIDS | age 26
* Joe Romero | Complications from HIV | age 40
* Hailey Paige | suspected murder | age 25
* Kent North | overdose | age 35
* Danny Dukes | overdose | age 33
* Brett Mycles | heart attack induced by steroid use | age 29
* Cody Foster | AIDS | age 36
* Chico Want | overdose | age 38
* Zoey Zane | raped and murdered | age 18
* Vanessa Freeman | murdered by prostitution client | age 30
* Danny Roddick | overdose | age 31
*Tiffani DiGivanni | suicide | age 21
* “Missi” | overdose | age 41
* Farah Dawn White | suicide | age 35
* Ursula Quakenbush | suicide | age 28
* Terry Lindon Kelley | murder | age 34
* Jenna Horgan | suicide | age 24
* Elis Diamond | murder | age 20
* Shane Risk | suicide | age 25
* Shawn Ricks | suicide | age 46
* Eliza Samudio | murdered and fed to dogs | age 46
* Stephen Clancy Hill | suicide | age 34
* Herbert Hin Wong | murder | age 30
* Allan Gassman | AIDS | age 47
* Chad Noel | AIDS | age 25
* Natalie Heck | brain aneurysm after alcohol abuse | age 27
* Lora Ann Evans | murder | age 31
* Barbara Bellucci | AIDS | age 28
* Laura Thacker | overdose | age 19
* Andre Cowboy | slashed to death by a machete wielding porn actor | age 37
* “Michal” | suicide | age 21
* Kathryn Sue Johnston | alcohol intoxication | age 30
* Hugo Faraud | overdose | age 34
* Cane Carrington | suicide | age 31
* Sean Moss | drowning while under the influence of drugs | age 28
* Chad Jason Hull | AIDS | age 39
* Hanna Barbara Brown | suicide | age 20
* Mariana Nardini | cardiac infarction | age 30
* Heather Hernandez | suicide | age 25
* Jack Banner | suicide | age 60
* Adam Faust | cardiac infarction | age 38
* James Elliott Naughtin | cardiac infarction after drug abuse | age 30
* Dror Barak | suicide | age 38
* Damon Richey | suicide | age 21
* Nicole Teresa Keffer | overdose | age 31
* Danielle Porter | overdose | age 27
* Wilfried Knight | suicide | age 38
* Malinda Gayle McCready | suicide | age 37
* Petér Kozma | suicide | age 45
* Tad Douglas Nolen | overdose | age 43
* Ginevra Hollander | murdered and dismembered | age 43
* Kamarion Sanchez | murdered | early 20s
* Robert Glenn Hucks | murdered | age 20
* Dimitri Kane | suicide | age 20
* Xander Scott | overdose | age 30
* January Seraph | suicide by hanging | age 31
* Tyler White | overdose | age 25
* Dave Slick | overdose | age 26
* Olga Kudrova | beaten to death | age 21
* Stephanie Adams | suicide | age 47
* Olivia Lua | overdose | age 23
* Alexis Rose Forte | alcohol and drug abuse | age 20
* Joey Ray | self-inflicted gunshot wound | age 51
* Natasha Vega | overdose | age 25
* Bella Blaze | overdose | age 30
* Carla Mai | cocaine and ketamine overdose | age 30
* Shyla Stylez | suspected overdose | age 35
* Roxy Nicole | overdose | age 22
* Yuri Love | overdose | age 31
* Natasha Blu | self-inflicted gunshot wound | age 23
* Deven Davis | suspected overdose | age 39
* Kasey Chase | overdose | age 27
* Nikki Kyle | overdose | age 37
* Angie White | suicide by hanging | age 24
* Bill Bailey | fell to his death due to extreme intoxication | age 38
* Nicole Clitman | suspected suicide | age 27
* Violet Rain | overdose | age 19
* Zoey Parker | unknown | age 24
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