Follow up to How To Civilise Your Elders - The Air Horn Lie
Published in the last week of 2022 was this typically lightweight, "cheery" site filler, the story of How I Deradicalised My Terf Mum, by Rivkah Brown at Novara, that [Bastani] bastian of alleged-Left media, fulfilling the faux-cialist need for political instruction, fluff and moralising screed.
They're really cool at Novara: all edgy polemics, yoof culcha, swishy hair and fierce street smarts.
It's a whole lifestyle, just like the actual communists would have. Ya get me?
Fellow kids
It may be worth pointing out that, though, that this kind of story - the genre of personal account by pseudonym - is often the work of a journalist without a story, and based on little more than an overheard conversation on the night bus.
Still, it's always telling that the 'bigot' relatives in these stories are pushovers, who, rather than tell the autocratic protagonist to go fuck themselves, fold at the pressure.
Even in their fantasy battles, the baddies are as affable and forgiving as a beaten puppy.
So, whether this story has any basis in fact is questionable, but either way this smarmy, intellectually vacuous article is, if true, a disturbingly manipulative account of the psychological abuse of a woman by her own children. One who's only crime is reticence in affirming her child's metaphysical belief.
Firstly, let's appreciate the stock image Novara chose for this article.
I particularly enjoy how the daughter gestures to her mother with a sort of "ta-dah!" pride, and in dutiful response, the corrected mother gives an unnatural looking thumbs up - perhaps hopeful to renegotiate her complete submission to a higher, more valued status. I can only wonder if she's being treated well.
"As we approach the holiest festival of family arguments (three years ago, one-fifth of us predicted a Christmas bust-up – think how many more things there are to argue about now!), many Novara Media readers will be asking themselves: how do I win?"
... "the moral of the story seems clear: people aren’t convinced by reason but by emotion. When it comes to talking down your rightwing relatives, your biggest leverage isn’t the Marx you’ve read, but your relationship with them".
Well, at least they admit winning is the most important thing. But, how is it there were fewer things to argue about three years ago? Are politics a recent area of expertise for you, Rivkah?
Oh, and yeah, obviously Rivkah's read Marx - they all have. They didn't just pick their political identity off the peg from Amazon, along with all the anti-capitalist merch, ya know. They've read all of that stuff. Course.
In the following horror show we're to hear two very different approaches to that perennial problem - other people being wrong.
Terf mum deradicaliser Will*, is a precocious, socially conscious young man who fears for his mum, Janet*.
(I get the feeling that we've all met a Will at some stage.)
When Will was a small boy, Janet was reading Dworkin. She's a radical feminist, and Will's gut told him that this was completely, dangerously wrong. He just wasn't sure why.
The basis of these concerns aren't explained, but we take on trust that they were grave, especially with Janet being an older woman - notorious fodder for manipulation and online grooming.
Despite having no 'clear sense of his own views' [or, more likely, any understanding of the multiple issues around feminism, trans inclusion or the current battle around Self Id, the GRA and its implications at all] what Will did have was a sense of his superior wisdom and objective thinking.
He couldn't pin-point it at the time, but it was as if Janet was privileged - “It felt like she was punching down” he opines, possibly stroking his beard.
These misgivings only grew as he did, and when he became “more politically conscious" he was "able to articulate exactly why I thought this politics was wrong.”
Sadly, Will doesn't set out why "this politics was wrong".
Janet's politics can only be guessed at, but, given her own son has diagnosed her a terf, and we know this is a bad (the category of women bombarded with dehumanisation, rape and death threats) we can only surmise that she is awful.
Over time, Janet kept up with modern life, including social media, for which she probably wasn't sufficiently mature. Ultimately, it only made matters worse.
She hit upon the gateway drug; “Mumsnet radicalisation” Will sighs.
On investigation (snooping on her devices) he found she was on Twitter - and - more worryingly, was being followed by some “well-known Terfs”.
*yes, all quotes are genuine*
So, with Will already burdened with the dark truth of Janet's fanaticism, he knew the shit would hit the fan when his 15 year old sister discovered that she was a he. This is Arthur* who, by instant retrospective change is and always was Will's brother. It was (aside from the trans joy) alarming - how would they manage her?
Well, it turned out they couldn't. Janet had concerns which aren't even hinted at and ultimately did not acknowledge her daughter rebranded as Arthur, and she didn't use the damn pronouns.
And that's all we know. If she avoided pronouns, tried to talk with Arthur, or bullied and mocked we don't know. Although if she was abusive, I'm sure Will would detail it in full technicolour.
And now, five years in, Arthur (20) and big brave Will (22) felt the time was up. They were entitled to go absolutely fucking nuclear on her and came up with a brilliant ultimatum designed to, well, enhance her motivation.
According to Novara, "the two young men decided to take drastic action. Realising they would never change their mother’s mind, they made a threat: accept Arthur or lose contact."
This is perhaps why there's no mention, anywhere, of what it is she thinks, or finds objectionable - engaging with the argument is a fool's errand.
The best tool, when you get down to it, is threat. Fuck the arguments and facts. Terrify her. Hold the dog over a chip pan. Put incriminating pictures in an email ready to hit send. Threaten the loss of her children.
I know that some of you will be thinking "call their bluff, they'll be back soon enough".
But - and here's the science bit - as a feminist active online, Janet will be acutely aware of how emotionally fragile her trans child may be; of how quickly testosterone can reek havok on the female body, and how fast mastectomy can be accessed.
Not only that, the "disowned by unaccepting parents" (which will be how any fallout is depicted) is a niche status among the trans community and can launch a new wave of love bombing, donations for surgery funds etc.
Janet may have invested a huge amount in maintaining a relationship with her child while also refusing to lie about what she believes, and then her principled, noble son Will comes up with this ultimatum.
Genius, isn't it?
In retrospect, Will's still pretty chuffed with himself. He's "glad he didn’t attempt to continue to argue his Mum out of her transphobia" which is no surprise, the choice of threat and coercion over rationality and conversation is hardly a rare one.
Why try to reason, and endanger your own fragile sense of insurmountable rightness, when you can use what Will calls "a real threat as a form of leverage"?
"Look, if you don’t fucking fix up. .. I will just leave" is what he said to her, along with younger sibling, Arthur.
"He remembers his mum’s anger and devastation. “She thought it was a dirty tactic.” Whether or not it was, it worked"
That's Will's philosophy - all's well that ends well. By any means necessary. What an ally.
Who cares you crushed the ability of your mother to speak with a political analysis she's built over a lifetime, forced her to censor herself, to u-turn on her considered path of parenting, and be complicit in something that may well be regretted? You won, Will!
But, that's not quite enough...
So, this is where poor Janet's conspiring progeny really go full-scale despot and threaten not just the removal of themselves from her life, but to turn her into a social pariah. Even the language is redolent of the CIA's "enhanced interrogation"
"Will’s family is part of a small, close-knit group of families ... and when their children found out what was happening with Janet, they encouraged their parents to speak to her, too."
The line that they "found out what was happening with Janet" is interesting.
Does "found out" mean they just happened to learn that the girl they knew as Will's sister was actually a boy called Arthur, and they accepted it?
And what was "happening with Janet"?
Was it her decision not to affirm? And they all felt entitled to stomp all over that?
Or, is it more likely that Will and Arthur approached everyone they could, potentially breaking years of confidentiality, to get in first with the news of what a terrible, crazed terf Janet was?
Did they tell the "community" she was involved in online hate, and beg for back up? It sounds like they might!
Ultimately we can't know, but someone certainly had some very strong ideas on what Janet's consequences should be for not bending to the script.
“There was another community she would have been isolated from that she also valued”.
This is where she's forced to not just jettison her voice for a relationship with her children, but her online friends and fellow campaigners, or lose her community.
That's just sensible though, because, according to Rivkah:
"compared to the real, caring people Janet was surrounded with, her online community – built on common hatred -seemed less and less real."
Because, knowing better, the ones partaking in the emotional coercion and actual conspiracy - dangling the carrot of acceptance and community while threatening social damnation and ostracism from her own children - these are obviously the "real, caring people Janet was surrounded with". Obviously.
"Look, I will always love you, but being there for you, and being family with you, is conditional on you recognising my brother" “I think the fear of losing the people closest to her was a strong motivating force.”
Yes, Will, losing the people closest to her, and her real life community, contact with her children - one of whom being extremely vulnerable - that is 'motivating'.
Dear Will - all 22 years of age, who's spidey senses told him his mother's politics had malevolent potential. These politics, which he didn't begin to understand, because he was so young, un-inquisitive, uninformed, inexperienced - gets to lay down the law. And he does so with the glee of an traffic warden on commission.
*yes, all quotes are genuine*
Peer contagion klaxons fired
So, with Will already burdened with the dark truth of Janet's fanaticism, he knew the shit would hit the fan when his 15 year old sister discovered that she was a he. This is Arthur* who, by instant retrospective change is and always was Will's brother. It was (aside from the trans joy) alarming - how would they manage her?
Well, it turned out they couldn't. Janet had concerns which aren't even hinted at and ultimately did not acknowledge her daughter rebranded as Arthur, and she didn't use the damn pronouns.
And that's all we know. If she avoided pronouns, tried to talk with Arthur, or bullied and mocked we don't know. Although if she was abusive, I'm sure Will would detail it in full technicolour.
And now, five years in, Arthur (20) and big brave Will (22) felt the time was up. They were entitled to go absolutely fucking nuclear on her and came up with a brilliant ultimatum designed to, well, enhance her motivation.
My pronouns are he/ him. Yours are abandoned / bigot / terf / ex-mum if ya don't use 'em!
According to Novara, "the two young men decided to take drastic action. Realising they would never change their mother’s mind, they made a threat: accept Arthur or lose contact."
This is perhaps why there's no mention, anywhere, of what it is she thinks, or finds objectionable - engaging with the argument is a fool's errand.
The best tool, when you get down to it, is threat. Fuck the arguments and facts. Terrify her. Hold the dog over a chip pan. Put incriminating pictures in an email ready to hit send. Threaten the loss of her children.
I know that some of you will be thinking "call their bluff, they'll be back soon enough".
But - and here's the science bit - as a feminist active online, Janet will be acutely aware of how emotionally fragile her trans child may be; of how quickly testosterone can reek havok on the female body, and how fast mastectomy can be accessed.
Not only that, the "disowned by unaccepting parents" (which will be how any fallout is depicted) is a niche status among the trans community and can launch a new wave of love bombing, donations for surgery funds etc.
Janet may have invested a huge amount in maintaining a relationship with her child while also refusing to lie about what she believes, and then her principled, noble son Will comes up with this ultimatum.
Genius, isn't it?
In retrospect, Will's still pretty chuffed with himself. He's "glad he didn’t attempt to continue to argue his Mum out of her transphobia" which is no surprise, the choice of threat and coercion over rationality and conversation is hardly a rare one.
Why try to reason, and endanger your own fragile sense of insurmountable rightness, when you can use what Will calls "a real threat as a form of leverage"?
"Look, if you don’t fucking fix up. .. I will just leave" is what he said to her, along with younger sibling, Arthur.
"He remembers his mum’s anger and devastation. “She thought it was a dirty tactic.” Whether or not it was, it worked"
That's Will's philosophy - all's well that ends well. By any means necessary. What an ally.
Who cares you crushed the ability of your mother to speak with a political analysis she's built over a lifetime, forced her to censor herself, to u-turn on her considered path of parenting, and be complicit in something that may well be regretted? You won, Will!
But, that's not quite enough...
"Broader social pressure may have multiplied the brothers’ impact"
So, this is where poor Janet's conspiring progeny really go full-scale despot and threaten not just the removal of themselves from her life, but to turn her into a social pariah. Even the language is redolent of the CIA's "enhanced interrogation"
"Will’s family is part of a small, close-knit group of families ... and when their children found out what was happening with Janet, they encouraged their parents to speak to her, too."
The line that they "found out what was happening with Janet" is interesting.
Does "found out" mean they just happened to learn that the girl they knew as Will's sister was actually a boy called Arthur, and they accepted it?
And what was "happening with Janet"?
Was it her decision not to affirm? And they all felt entitled to stomp all over that?
Or, is it more likely that Will and Arthur approached everyone they could, potentially breaking years of confidentiality, to get in first with the news of what a terrible, crazed terf Janet was?
Did they tell the "community" she was involved in online hate, and beg for back up? It sounds like they might!
Ultimately we can't know, but someone certainly had some very strong ideas on what Janet's consequences should be for not bending to the script.
“There was another community she would have been isolated from that she also valued”.
This is where she's forced to not just jettison her voice for a relationship with her children, but her online friends and fellow campaigners, or lose her community.
That's just sensible though, because, according to Rivkah:
"compared to the real, caring people Janet was surrounded with, her online community – built on common hatred -seemed less and less real."
Because, knowing better, the ones partaking in the emotional coercion and actual conspiracy - dangling the carrot of acceptance and community while threatening social damnation and ostracism from her own children - these are obviously the "real, caring people Janet was surrounded with". Obviously.
"Look, I will always love you, but being there for you, and being family with you, is conditional on you recognising my brother" “I think the fear of losing the people closest to her was a strong motivating force.”
Yes, Will, losing the people closest to her, and her real life community, contact with her children - one of whom being extremely vulnerable - that is 'motivating'.
Dear Will - all 22 years of age, who's spidey senses told him his mother's politics had malevolent potential. These politics, which he didn't begin to understand, because he was so young, un-inquisitive, uninformed, inexperienced - gets to lay down the law. And he does so with the glee of an traffic warden on commission.
Will is the young man who yearns to live in a dictatorship where widows defer to their 13 yr old sons. Will is a colossal prick.
In this a step by step guide on how to threaten all that's dear to a lifelong feminist without the bother of even giving an overview of her politics; in all of this, the understanding of radical feminism is that it finds "new dunks to deny trans existence".
In this a step by step guide on how to threaten all that's dear to a lifelong feminist without the bother of even giving an overview of her politics; in all of this, the understanding of radical feminism is that it finds "new dunks to deny trans existence".
Janet refers to Arthur with the 'correct' pronouns now. She still isn't “trans ally numero uno”, explains Will" (yes, Will is totally the kind of douchbag to say 'numero uno') but she's more responsive, and "that's enough" for Will and Arthur.
Well, thank God for the mercy of Janet's children. Let's hope, Arthur, you never regret this.
-
Dom's friend Mark was nice to him, had empathy and eventually Dom found his way out and now "identifies as a socialist".
Yay! A socialist! That identity you can opt into with no study! Isn't it great!
Obviously, Dom just needed love and guidance.
Janet, however, needed crushing.
Who knows why the approaches are so different?!
*If this guide on dismantling a woman is based on real people, Janet, I think you should kick your son right up his sanctimonious arse. He will return to complain. Repeat. Continue as long as necessary and tell him to get fucked.
He should not be going out into the world with such appalling disregard for other people.
Will, you think you're special now, but give it 10-15 years and you'll be a spent fool, caught up in Father's for Justice style activism after family court correctly halted your contact with your ex and child(ren).
You're not a good person, William.
No comments:
Post a Comment