WiSpa - #SRM - Breaching Boundaries

WiSpa

 #SRM - Breaching Boundaries: 

Update #2 charges filed against Darren Agee Merager - A man who identifies as a woman and has form for indecent exposure -

Merager is sought in an earlier incident

"This week, a warrant was issued in Los Angeles County for the arrest of 52-year-old Darren Merager, based on five felony counts of indecent exposure in connection with the Wi Spa incident. 

“Everything about the Wi Spa was a bunch of garbage and lies,” Merager said in an interview. She says she is legally female in California"

"“She never saw me naked. I was underwater with water all the way up to my chest.” Merager denies ever being erect or around children at the spa. She says she is actually the victim of sexual harassment by transphobic women at the Wi Spa."

UPDATE #ConspiraWi Claims

[July 17th - Violent protests erupt again - article here]

Now this is being painted as a set up, a different set of arguments have emerged.

The reports of there being no transwoman at the spa at the time of the incident is being trotted out ad nauseam, but they could be identifying as simply a woman. 

Does it matter?

Well, obviously the truth matters, and while I don't believe for a moment this was staged (thus far another five women have come forward to say the same, some of the online reviews predate this by over a year, the spa released a statement at the time...) there is a way in which it's irrelevant. 

We know that the law in California allows this scenario, and we've also had two weeks of trans activists shouting that getting upset over the exposure is a hate crime; "don't look, bigot/pervert"

We are going to do another, more general piece on the glorification and justification of trans activists to breach boundaries and demands that women acquiesce as part of the #SRM - Sexual Rights Movement series. 

There are constant demands that come from the trans rights activist lobby, but as this incident at WiSpa has just emerged I thought I'd put all of this in one place.

The vilification of women who want / need single sex services is intense; we are prudes, uptight hags, ridiculous, hysterical pearl-clutchers. The idea of a little girl being in any way unsettled, frightened or traumatised by witnessing a naked man with a semi erect penis, who by the nature of his behaviour is clearly not dysphoric, is laughable to those who see any mention or reference to biological sex as harmful and likely to result in trans people's suicide.

These are the things they said would never happen. It's interesting to see the tactical retreat from denial that it could happen, to acceptance it has, with a new load of whataboutery and victim shaming instructions on not to look at the potential threat in front of you.

If a little girl can't go to a woman's spa, where other women are naked, without the danger of a bearded man waltzing in and sitting on the edge of the Jacuzzi she is in with his legs spread and his genitals at eye-level, then there is a problem.

I would also like to take this moment to condemn the right wing, MAGA-chanting men who also have tried to use this incident as a soapbox to shout from.

Let women speak. Listen to women. Stop telling women expressing their upset, concern, trauma and anger they are oppressive. 

Women hold far less power in this scenario, in most scenarios. This is evident from the 'anti fascist' bastards who saw this as an opportunity to unleash their violence and demands and the MAGA pricks. It's evident from the whole online conversation. Telling anyone to quell their instinctive responses to threats is abusive and an integral part of rape culture (beautifully explained here)

This occured in a Korean spa - specifically, a Jacuzzi. Among their group is an eight year old girl. A (purportedly) transwoman enters, completely naked, and the women become upset over the penis parading. A good video to cover the whole issue is this

Video here and thread:

 "The second, less viewed, part of the 'Wi Spa' footage. "His dick is swinging left and right. and it's the women's section.. he's an imposter." I'm not so keen on all the 'blood of Jesus' business but she makes a fair point" https://t.co/lCZE7GSImM

December 2022 - Merager does an incredible interview with lamag

And some responses: 

Katy Montgomerie is a haughty, dismissive prick (the shock!) ;

Mallorie Moore is most perturbed that the woman is religious. It's kind of a reverse Catholic shame thing:

Sally Hines;

Kirsty Slater aka Gemma Stone aka Not Cursed E

Alan Driscoll & David Paisley 

The author of this (read it here) has a colourful history of 'defending trans rights'...

An earlier incident:

The woman clearly did not record anyone except for the reception staff. The unremitting attempts to condemn and harangue her into submission as plain as day...

This is her video explaining

Another review of this spa (which is Korean, where the clients are often completely naked) -

"Upon checking in, the clerk advised us that "there was a transgender male in the women's locker room" ... Ok... No problem, I'm not the type to discriminate people, but once in the women's area, I saw the mentioned "transgender" individual naked in all his glory, and he still had a male organ hanging there...ok...no fuzz... That surgery is very expensive anyways, so I go on my routine and I get to the shower room, he was almost next to me showering too when I start to overhear hearing the conversation that he is having with a lady that was also in the shower area, I clearly heard him say that he has had sex with probably one hundred women and that he was looking for a female girlfriend to share his time with.... He also mentioned that he uses cocaine and LSD to "relax" .... I heard from other ladies there that he goes there quite often"

The woman in the original video is interviewed here, and appears to say that the transwoman had an erection.

Another response, after Toronto's sole women-only spa says it is, actually, women only...

- Trans community speaks out against body blitz women only spa includes the excellent line 'penis-based policy';"Rachael Kriss, a trans woman who works in IT and does corporate diversity training, left a critical comment on Body Blitz’s statement, along with a negative review, only to find both deleted. “It’s removing me, and my humanity. My existence has been erased,” She is concerned about Body Blitz’s penis-based policy because “it focuses on body parts, not gender.” These types of policies are dehumanizing"

And it's not just WiSpa...

LibFem Responses: Laurie Penny, who thinks she's a feminist (and well, she looks all edgy in that profile picture) speaks the sort of 'truth' the mob power want and thus maintains her status as relevant, modern and 'intersectional';

 

Personally, I'd have thought biting back at a movement that insists there be no public area women and girls can be without the be-penised is quite important. Interesting that Penny's time is not wasted by this performative 'allyship' though;

<Not sure if this is just deliberately obtuse>

King Critical does a great job of debunking Penny here 

Does it ever occur to these people the reason the focus is on transwomen is because penises have been used as a weapon against women since time immemorial? The fact no one speaks of transmen is not only do they not endanger women's spaces or have a penis, they only breach the boundaries of men which is not the concern of feminism. I fully support men in guarding their own intimate spaces, gay saunas etc but this is not my fight. 

Over on Facebook, PinkNews and their readership of unparalleled idiocy get excited:

Typical PinkNews-sense

This horrifying comment right here goes entirely unchallenged except for the interjection of some 'TERFs'. It would appear this comment is from someone deliberately parodying the sentiment being expressed - and none of the pro-penile paraders complain

Karin speaks sense. Where is the solidarity and sympathy these supposed transwomen have with women?

Ah, here is a transwoman who shows some sisterhood. Predictably, she is attacked:

Holy trinity of rape culture! Time to blame the victim!

Thankfully, PinkNews soon found a spin:

What The Trans!? is some kind of organisation founded by self identifying woman and journalist Michelle Snow. Thank god Michelle asks the important, philosophical questions. Here's "what's the problem with penises exposed in supposed women's spaces?" Michelle:

In answer, TRuDOS speaks;

The brave new narrative - the terven want women to be sexually assaulted 

Definitely a hoax

No, you have no right to any penis-free space

Diane has helpfully revised Merager's history with the aid of multiple excuses

George here sounds like a great guy. And I'm sure trans liberation is his motive...

Buuut.... It's the TERFs who are violent!

Owen confirms what violent men have wondered since the primordial slime;

I think it's here we get to the crux of the matter; rejecting penises is what is really boiling the piss of these people;

 

The women organise a protest

And so Antifa (bourgeois flasher's chapter) stands with the notorious penis parader, and it erupts.

 (This has been tricky to compile, as so many of the initial videos posted have been removed - including entire twitter account of the woman detailing her experience with her 6 yr old daughter - article here)

These women have breached Facebook community standards for just sharing her video:

 

#ConspiraWi!

Now, did you notice a theme emerging in the comments there? Yes, that's right - it never happened. It's an anti-trans conspiracy theory! A false flag!

Here some YouTuber 'unpacks' the story into a series of magicians suitcases. Like 35 clowns into a mini, it's kind of impressive - although starting with the claim one of the 'transphobes' waded into a crowd of people with metal chains wrapped around his fists (sounds totally like a TERF, doesn't it?) and describing how you could hear these chains hit flesh, only to clarify actually it was a Catholic with rosaries is a little bit of a mess.

https://twitter.com/TheChristyJones/status/1413152403650531330?s=19

Los Angeles Blade goes with this: "Alleged Trans incident at upscale LA Spa may have been staged"

"The video quickly made the rounds in far right, and Trans-Exclusionary Feminist (TERF) sites and Anti-trans “feminist” websites."

Posie Parker talks to eye witness Belissa Cohen here

Andy Ngo covers antifa 'defending transwomen'

"Antifa mob attacked a woman protesting peacefully outside Wi Spa in Los Angeles. The spa was at the center of a recent viral video where a woman complained to staff that a person with a penis exposed their genitals to women & girls" 

“You’re gonna get your ass knocked out”

https://twitter.com/MrAndyNgo/status/1411389131033169921?s=19

https://twitter.com/MrAndyNgo/status/1411390644342312961?s=19

The woman seen having her hat and sign snatched is harassed as she tries to leave

The counter protest was organised by this lovely laddy, Precious Child (there are several people also claiming this is the flasher themselves, after PC said it could have been them. This is now refuted)

Here is where "PRECIOUS CHILD" insinuates he is the cock-flasher

Which then becomes a fundraiser and appeal to be recognised as the victim:

Mike makes some bold claims...

As do plenty more;

Angel, please tell me how to distinguish between a naked man and a naked pre-op, exhibitionist transwoman. I mean, sans clothing they won't even have a pronoun badge...

"Fighting & rioting broke out at the antifa counter-protest outside the Wi Spa in Los Angeles. Antifa gathered to assault those who opposed the spa over a purported incident where a person flashed their genitals to women & girls. Video by @TomasMorales_iv: https://t.co/vMt4GN3chb

https://twitter.com/MrAndyNgo/status/1411525313763299333?s=19

Read Gaye's thread here

If they gave a definition of transphobe, it might make sense. But we know who they're actually talking about - those who don't want to interact with stranger's penises

The response generally is infuriating and tragic. Everywhere, women are told to ignore their instincts and boundaries.

Signs are taken from the women protesting and torn up

The violence begins

And continues 

It resembles fascism, funnily enough 

A couple at the protest, or simply walking through - it isn't clear - are harassed and shoved

This woman is abused and mobbed

"lets see how that went

And here is a large group of very vocal (mostly) men, bullying a woman protesting at the Wi Spa. They surround her, call her a bitch, snatch her sign & hat & steal her sunglasses" 

 - https://twitter.com/LilyLilyMaynard/status/1411686135219245060?s=19

In response to this violence and forcibly evicting people using their right to protest, 'antifa' posted this

Which is great and everything, but I preferred this:

Now, during this brawl to assert authority over women, one man in full protective combat gear stabbed two people. Obviously, this is the fault of feminists. It's always a woman's fault. They must have been motivated by gender critical or radical feminists, there's no way men would act this way otherwise!

Id love to see the proof of this. The violence and threats levelled at feminists has ruined lives. I'm yet to see a single threat or attack against a trans activist (let's be clear, it's about the activists and not the people). The deliberate dishonesty is unforgivable.

The unparalleled Helen Steel talks here about just how screwed up it is. 

Helen was one of the two activists persecuted by McDonald's in the 'McLibel' trial. She is an incredible activist, who was also duped by an undercover police officer into a settled relationship until he one day disappeared off the face of the earth. 

After defending those handing out leaflets regarding the Gender Recognition Act reform proposals at the anarchist book fair in 2017, she was abused and assaulted (Helens words here, and an excellent summing up here). Since that time, despite her decades of activism, she has been abused as a TERF and ejected from protest camps. By eejits, who have never done anything as brave as she has, and have almost none of the critical analysis, political nous or integrity she has.

This is not about trans rights. 

These misogynistic thugs are not antifascist.

***

Some more tweets, as I find them:

@MsAnnaPhylaxis responded with The Rich Fantasy blog piece, as yet there has been no response

Another demo is planned;

Allison Bailey has a lemon and Wispa bar thrown into her garden. Only because of Allison's integrity does she explain later it was local kids who later apologised.

She didn't need to do that. The problem is, apart from the fact Allison has been harassed for years now, she has a dog. The dog ate some of the chocolate, and she had to seek veterinary advice. The right side of history swung in to mock her - including the big burly bloke David Paisley, who reported Marion Miller to the police for posting a picture of a ribbon in suffragette colours on some railings, because, to David, it somehow resembled a noose. He then fled his home in terror over unexplained fears of attack. 

Katy has made a career out of cultivating a reasonable, "I'll talk to anyone" persona. However this isn't  true. It's also quite rich having one of the heads of the pop-trans hydra accuse gender critical feminists of grifting...

 Remember notCursedE at the top? That's Gemma Stone - a freelance journalist who has been published in The Independent. 

Clearly upset by the accusations, Stone has a bit of a liberty considering their history (this is a tiny proportion)

Rozie Suppozie and the list of entitled demands drone on...

Refuges - Part 2 - LibFem Responses

 Refuges

~ Part 2 ~

LibFem Responses

(Part 1 is here, and another example of the kinder, gentler politics of The Right Side of HistoryTM here)

I recently saw a woman online state that she believes refuges should look for empathy and kindness in their residents, as these are the important factors and are all 'non-binary' qualities. She also said in her view, refuges should be blocks of self contained apartments, that 'as a survivor of sexual abuse' she felt she had some personal experience to impart, and the idea of 'women's refuges' made her cringe.

It's jaw-dropping naivety, and extremely telling in regards to the ideological world these people live in they think some form of deep psychoanalysis, background check and personality evaluation is possible. Or that the furnishing of self-contained flats are within reach of a chronically underfunded sector.

These are last ditch rescue resources for extremely vulnerable women, not dating sites which find matches based on compatibility. 

I don't want to dismiss anyone, but it isn't the same to survive sexual abuse and to experience it when completely disenfranchised from society, to have to take what shelter you are given. 

I fully understand the urge to be kind, the hopeful belief that survivors share some unalienable solidarity, despite sex. I wonder how much is a trauma response developed to avoid conflict, and how much is just a misplaced, misinformed, self aggrandising stand of relative privilege.

I replied to her. I explained essentially what I wrote in Part 1. I gave a long reply which, I believe, was compassionate and which certainly made me vulnerable by laying bare my history of abuse.

What I received, you'll see above (my name is obscured in blue, the original commenter's in red and the third woman in green) was another woman putting a laugh emoji on my long comment before the predictable strawmanning. She had already launched into me on another comment, and I blocked her. The hurt and rage was pretty substantial, I was upset for several days. After this, the original commenter advised me to start my own thread, presumably not to challenge hers. I asked what was her response to the woman who had laughed at me. She blocked me. Another woman (I suspect they may not have all been women) commented, ridiculing me, and she blocked me too, before I could read all of her derision.

My (as ever, book-length) reply

So, to sum up - I blocked one for laughing at the worst experience of my life; one blocked me for responding and asking a question; another blocked me to join in on the dismissal and piss taking. So much for solidarity among survivors.

Most refuge referrals come in at the time of absolute crisis - there is no time to sit and run through any personality quirks, potential clashes or traits in common: this is true desperation - a woman terrorised out of her home, beaten and gaslit over what is normally a protracted period. The police are involved and she is terrified what effect this has had on her children, is wondering what might have gone on behind her back, will social services take her children, might they be better off that way... 

She is likely feeling intense guilt for uprooting her family and for having stayed as long as she did. She's likely ashamed, having to confront an ever growing list of long denied incidents she tried to 'rationalise'. She may be afraid to tell anyone outside of the refuge what's really been going on.

This is the most crucial time in her and her children's lives. The success of this, the chances she and her kids stand in recovering any semblance of normality, all hinge on her belief she can be empowered and is somewhere safe.

Normally, there are various activities and peer support meetings where the women have a chance to drop the facade they've constructed. Who wants to be weeping in front of their children at a time like this? You will be doing everything within your power to console and reassure. Group therapy plays an integral role in building sisterhood, which will have inevitably been stripped away from these women as they are increasingly isolated from family and friends. Recognising the common threads of abusive male behaviour are key. Finding support in non-sexual relationships are vital.

A friend of mine wrote a thread on this very subject, and I think it sums this up very articulately.

"You're a mother, in a violent relationship. You tried to make it work, were beaten the average of 35 times before reporting it. You bite the bullet, you stand up for yourself & kids after apologising for your existence & 'failures' every day. You tell the truth to friends & family

For the first time

You can't pay the rent/mortgage alone. You have nowhere to go. To protect yourself & kids you find some strength, & in the short-term you make all your lives more vulnerable, more insecure & poor. Because you know this is breaking you into pieces. The kids are having nightmares. Bedwetting. 

You freeze at the police station when the officer leans over to open a door for you. You feel guilty for upsetting your family, even your ex. Making your kids homeless is gnawing away at you.

You find a refuge. It's pokey, cramped, no room for toys, furniture, all the things you've built up over the years are now impossible

You rehome the dog, against every instinct, with huge guilt.

All this breaks your heart but you need safety.

There's no other option.

In the refuge you have a key worker, regular peer support groups. You meet other women from different backgrounds, but you have an amazing amount in common. You talk & realise so much. How keeping up a pretence of being ok is crushing your insides, how carefully managing how you speak is suffocating your thought. How apologising for your feelings is toxic & just how distorted your perception of yourself & your world became thru relentless gaslighting

You have to be vulnerable to heal

Laura moves in. She is personable, kind, sympathetic. You're aware she is trans, or maybe you're not sure. But she never mentions it, & you can't ask. You talk to your key worker, who tells you everyone here identifies as female. Your kids are blunt about what they see - you hush them, worried about offending her, aware of the rules on conduct 

Another resident is angry. This makes no sense to her. Her 14 yr old has to live elsewhere because of his age & sex & the visceral response this has on the 8yr old along the hall who was abused by an older brother. 

She's livid at the fact her broken family is separated further when this can happen Conversation is awkward. Too many questions hang in the air.

Laura feels ostracized, judged. Unsure of how to broach the subject she glosses over her early life, omits her dysphoria, her history of being persecuted. She nervously uses the bathroom before others wake.

When she pushed open an unlocked door in the toilet & accidentally disturbed a woman, the woman screamed for help. She saw a man, that is her instinct.

But your key worker deflects all comments with 'we're all women here', more abruptly each time.

The other resident, who's son is in care is confrontational, asking why is Laura here when her son isn't? She's told Laura is a woman & continued breaches of conduct will result in eviction.

No one talks freely & with vulnerability in group. Laura is scared & you feel gaslit all over again. Those boundaries you proudly Erected are shaky now, you feel sorry for everyone, sorry for not seeing what you're told to see, & insulted by the evasion & shut down of your key worker

This could be worse, of course. Laura could be much less sympathetic or genuine

Your fear of male bodies could be worse"

Here was a typical reply from a trans advocate:

Another said, simply, "your views are not worthy of respect in a democratic society" - what was said to Maya Forstater in her original employment tribunal. 

Regarding where I'd expect the fictional Laura to go, I fully acknowledge this is difficult. The only way around it, as I see it, is to use some of the massive funding the trans rights lobby has on founding trans specific refuges.

Transmen may be unwilling to enter a women's refuge, but if they do I genuinely don't see this would cause a problem unless other residents weren't aware they were trans. There would be no way round it anyway, as everyone would know men are not permitted. This is a moot point; women do not commit anywhere near the number of violent or sex crimes men do. It is in no way comparable.

Transwomen like Laura are, as the thread explains, going to be in an extremely difficult position in a woman's refuge: either they 'pass' and can conceal their status, which brings all manner of other problems, and presumably stands as an obstacle to healing, which requires long, deep reflection on your childhood, your first intimate relationships, your personal history and the socialisation we receive as girl children to be submissive, accommodating and unconfrontational.

Or, they don't pass. They stick out and are clocked. Women and their children, in the most stressful, precarious and insecure times of their lives, being told to appear oblivious to the sex of a fellow resident runs contrary to every tenet of the ethos in operation here. They must be able to speak about what is happening, who is around them. Living under a pretext, agreeing you see what you don't, lying to yourself is what these people have been forced to do for survival. 

In the case they are like Laura, and I know several transwomen who fit that description, the problems are still ever present. How does Laura - displaced, traumatised and struggling - cope when she inadvertently triggers women is anyone's guess. How she manages to shave and retain her dignity when having to us a communal bathroom is another. It's no exaggeration to say that a male voice, a particular mannerism, can terrify women who've suffered extended abuse at the hands of men. Some might scream, some may even wet themselves. The core thing is these are women who haven't been safe in their own homes. Providing a safe space, and safe as in free from potential triggers, is essential.

This notion all transwomen will be meek, sisterly and kind is not borne out by reality. There have been multiple cases of sex offenders identifying as trans, as you will see on our blogs The Rich Fantasy Self ID Endangers Women. 

I will look at this in the next part, Bad Faith, Violence & Demands.

I'll also do a gallery with other replies I've seen.