Beneath the faux-distressed exterior of the 'inner woman, totes worst oppressed' P.R. machine, there's a world of career opportunity and an awards cabinet that would make Kim Jong Un wince.
And it's that cheesy, back-slapping circuit that brings this to you, dear reader.
Because Martin 'Katie' Neeves has just been appointed a UK delegate for the UN Commission on The Status of Women, a role he is patently unqualified for. He's garnered quite the portfolio of titles and awards under that jaunty lady-belt of his, and calls himself a Transbassador, frequently overstepping his remit, venturing into law and biology - very badly.
In this blog, though, I'd like to focus of the relationships between brothers, sisters, autogynephiles and pants.
I can't imagine how it is grow up with your brother digging through your underwear to get his grotty jollies. I do remember throwing a top away (and I had no spare clothes, at all) after an elder sister wore it, without asking, and it came back with stains that, even to my virgin eyes, looked a bit suspicious. Fucking yuck.
For it to be my brother telling the world and its whippet about it ad nauseam, I'd be furious. A violating, embarrassing breach of trust, publicly revisited over and over.
Neeves has done very well out of his super-public coming out, and I notice he has a very scripted story with several components which he repeats. One prominent example is his first memory, as told to Chat! Magazine, as a FOUR YEAR OLD - sometimes he claims he was THREE.
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| Courtesy of Mole at the Door |
"Creeping into my older sister's bedroom one evening, I pulled a pair of knickers out of her drawers, carefully stepped into them.
"I didn't fit in, but seeing my reflection smiling back wearing my 7-year-old sister's girly knickers, I suddenly felt right."
That he 'felt right' or 'felt so good' are littered among his recollections. It's almost a handy, euphemistic refrain to sanitise; a coded admission.
I'm fascinated by the dynamic between 'transwomen' and their sisters, as I've seen so many MtF Reddit threads on their terrible, unsupportive behaviour - even sabotaging devilry. The spoilt 'cis' sis. The favourite, bio c*** daughters.
This includes a bitter, jealous polemic from a man who's sister was sexually abused in childhood. Poor MtF /throwaway was distraught. Was his sister really so immersed in herself she couldn't see that a paedophile, motivated towards little girls, who was active but never touched him, was a kick in the teeth?
Way to invalidate his gender, his truth, his being a girl.
For Neeves, feeling 'right' and 'so good' posing in the mirror, his joy was quickly demolished by his mother. It was the first time he felt so nasty, so wrong and debased.
This first memory obviously fell on an eventful day, but I'm wondering why guilt and shame come into it, for a three or four year old, far before sexual consciousness? Did his mother berate and scold him as dirty? If Neeves was simply aware "what I was doing was wrong. It was dirty. It was naughty" - well, he wasn't four.
It's a thinly veiled account of fetishised sexual behaviour, all that titillating risk. "My good feelings were quickly overcome by guilt and shame" is projected onto a nursery age child. It's bleak, dangerous, icky.
He goes on to say his mum would pull his shorts down daily for the next week, to check he was wearing his pants. This too sounds odd, unless she'd caught him violating his sister's boundaries repeatedly. A mother without reason to fear a perversion was taking hold of her son, a mother of a three or four year old, seems unlikely to do that.
As I write this, my two-and-a-half year old is snoozing on my shoulder. I don't believe in six months, a year or even two she, or any other toddler, could be entangled in such complex inner turmoil around identity. Nah. It's risible ballsacks.
I hope you're reading this, Neeves.
Risible. Ballsacks.
I think Neeves simply enjoys describing a humiliating violation visited upon him.
Against my better judgement, I put the words (and variations of) 'my + sister's + knickers' in a search engine. Here are the results:
Most descend into graphic, incestuous fantasy; all were sexual.
And anyway, aside from cut and colour, what differences are there in girl's and boy's pants?
I suspect the truth is the Trans Joy here was in breaching a boundary. A boundary provocatively dressed in irresistible frisson, followed by regret because it is out of order, and shame because it's sexual.
As a kid, I also wore older family member's clothes. I clumped around in high heels, motorbike leathers, hitching dresses up with belts, rolling up sleeves and trouser legs, all that. When I reached adolescence, I borrowed the clothes of my elder sisters all the time.
I'd have regarded putting on my sister's knickers weird, baffling and unbearably gross. No 'private mirror moments' there.
For me, an actual girl, I wanted to play a grown up, or a child during some historical period, or from a story. Sometimes I wanted to be a princess, or a fireman. It was not about self expression, it was play. That Neeves 'expressed' (🤢) himself in his sister's knickers is sordid. We all know this.
But Neeves clearly felt he could share, and share again, this grim snippet of information in candid detail without concerning anyone - which is strange, considering the humiliation and guilty shame he experienced, isn't it?
Steph needs to stop it, too
It's common - our great mutual friend Steph Richards of Steph's Place / TransLucent freely admits to raiding his sister's wardrobe. Now I can't see what, if any, relationship Steph has with his sister, but bird of a feather (and wig - he drew the short, plastic straw) Claire Prosho has fallen out with his, appearing to fucking despise her.
Urgh - women offering each other support is exactly what we're trying to stop here!
Still, poor Neeves has outrageously been criticised by this irrational shame culture and pushed back against by miserable feminist opprobrium.
He's not bothered by people seeing his previous photos, or knowing his 'dead name' - it's still the name of his business (which he cites, in full, a lot). It's a little unusual.
Like friend of the blog, burly Helen Belcher, Neeves knows how to complain, and went after Sarah Summers for showing an excerpt of his trans awareness training, writing about his description of wearing his sister's knickers and those of other women, and the grimy expression this elicited. He "speaks of wearing women’s knickers on a first date, his eyes partially shut, his lips curled with euphoria".
Is there a different contextual angle to "I stole my sister's knickers, wore them, and when I think about it my face does this 🤤"?
This includes a bitter, jealous polemic from a man who's sister was sexually abused in childhood. Poor MtF /throwaway was distraught. Was his sister really so immersed in herself she couldn't see that a paedophile, motivated towards little girls, who was active but never touched him, was a kick in the teeth?
Way to invalidate his gender, his truth, his being a girl.
For Neeves, feeling 'right' and 'so good' posing in the mirror, his joy was quickly demolished by his mother. It was the first time he felt so nasty, so wrong and debased.
This first memory obviously fell on an eventful day, but I'm wondering why guilt and shame come into it, for a three or four year old, far before sexual consciousness? Did his mother berate and scold him as dirty? If Neeves was simply aware "what I was doing was wrong. It was dirty. It was naughty" - well, he wasn't four.
It's a thinly veiled account of fetishised sexual behaviour, all that titillating risk. "My good feelings were quickly overcome by guilt and shame" is projected onto a nursery age child. It's bleak, dangerous, icky.
He goes on to say his mum would pull his shorts down daily for the next week, to check he was wearing his pants. This too sounds odd, unless she'd caught him violating his sister's boundaries repeatedly. A mother without reason to fear a perversion was taking hold of her son, a mother of a three or four year old, seems unlikely to do that.
As I write this, my two-and-a-half year old is snoozing on my shoulder. I don't believe in six months, a year or even two she, or any other toddler, could be entangled in such complex inner turmoil around identity. Nah. It's risible ballsacks.
I hope you're reading this, Neeves.
Risible. Ballsacks.
I think Neeves simply enjoys describing a humiliating violation visited upon him.
Against my better judgement, I put the words (and variations of) 'my + sister's + knickers' in a search engine. Here are the results:
Most descend into graphic, incestuous fantasy; all were sexual.
And anyway, aside from cut and colour, what differences are there in girl's and boy's pants?
I suspect the truth is the Trans Joy here was in breaching a boundary. A boundary provocatively dressed in irresistible frisson, followed by regret because it is out of order, and shame because it's sexual.
As a kid, I also wore older family member's clothes. I clumped around in high heels, motorbike leathers, hitching dresses up with belts, rolling up sleeves and trouser legs, all that. When I reached adolescence, I borrowed the clothes of my elder sisters all the time.
I'd have regarded putting on my sister's knickers weird, baffling and unbearably gross. No 'private mirror moments' there.
For me, an actual girl, I wanted to play a grown up, or a child during some historical period, or from a story. Sometimes I wanted to be a princess, or a fireman. It was not about self expression, it was play. That Neeves 'expressed' (🤢) himself in his sister's knickers is sordid. We all know this.
But Neeves clearly felt he could share, and share again, this grim snippet of information in candid detail without concerning anyone - which is strange, considering the humiliation and guilty shame he experienced, isn't it?
Steph needs to stop it, too
It's common - our great mutual friend Steph Richards of Steph's Place / TransLucent freely admits to raiding his sister's wardrobe. Now I can't see what, if any, relationship Steph has with his sister, but bird of a feather (and wig - he drew the short, plastic straw) Claire Prosho has fallen out with his, appearing to fucking despise her.
Urgh - women offering each other support is exactly what we're trying to stop here!
Still, poor Neeves has outrageously been criticised by this irrational shame culture and pushed back against by miserable feminist opprobrium.
He's not bothered by people seeing his previous photos, or knowing his 'dead name' - it's still the name of his business (which he cites, in full, a lot). It's a little unusual.
Like friend of the blog, burly Helen Belcher, Neeves knows how to complain, and went after Sarah Summers for showing an excerpt of his trans awareness training, writing about his description of wearing his sister's knickers and those of other women, and the grimy expression this elicited. He "speaks of wearing women’s knickers on a first date, his eyes partially shut, his lips curled with euphoria".
Is there a different contextual angle to "I stole my sister's knickers, wore them, and when I think about it my face does this 🤤"?
Since then, some historical revision has occurred. The Chat! piece has been edited in later copies (knickers become clothes), but for chatterbox, publicity-hungry Neeves, it's impossible to erase the dozens upon dozens of times he's talked about it. What he expected to look like in trying to get a woman famously struggling with rape trauma sacked was, I don't know. It definitely doesn't scream sisterhood.
But Summers was right. Watching Neeves' videos, you may notice the moments he's serious, looking down with brow furrowed, often an eyebrow raised in scrutiny. This is in stark contrast to those fleeting moments where he happens upon an exciting detail: his eyes flutter upwards and back. His mouth melts like wax shavings under a flame.
WellerPerson: Neeves, methodically thumping his fist away and sermonising on a Bad Mother rejecting the notion her boy, of three, is a girl, hits a joyous moment when The Good News happens and the poor kid is whacked on puberty blockers
I watched a lot of his cheesy vlogs to get a shot of this euphoric moment. I noted also a rhythmic swaying, to and fro, like a dancing cobra, or a man who's prostate is perilously close to a love egg.
An insurmountable problem is women are adept at spotting certain types. There's behaviours which elicit powerful tocsins in us, which other people read as friendly, amiable.
Viewing the world from a vastly different angle, they tell us we'll "absolutely love," someone, and he's "just so down to earth and friendly" but unfortunately, the vibe we get is less avuncular, more creepy uncle.
In my experience, the affable, overly-chatty types can get away with a surprising amount of trespass.
As Martin, Neeves was a tiny, grinch-like critter who probably wasn't seen as particularly threatening.
An insurmountable problem is women are adept at spotting certain types. There's behaviours which elicit powerful tocsins in us, which other people read as friendly, amiable.
Viewing the world from a vastly different angle, they tell us we'll "absolutely love," someone, and he's "just so down to earth and friendly" but unfortunately, the vibe we get is less avuncular, more creepy uncle.
In my experience, the affable, overly-chatty types can get away with a surprising amount of trespass.
As Martin, Neeves was a tiny, grinch-like critter who probably wasn't seen as particularly threatening.
As Katie, Neeves still has a bird-like frame - in fact, he has the bone structure of a soft shell crab - but I fear earlier restraint due to his being a man (or, as he puts it, 'pretending to be male') is now gone. I'm wary of men who chuckle away at their own comments, it feels less a personality trait, more like potential plausible deniability.
I don't know any women who would, with their work face on, engage in Neeves' childish japes about boobs and bollocks.
I certainly can't think of any middle aged women who drop constant double entendres, or giddily swoon at their own cringe-inducing, minor sleaze.
But, Neeves manages: advertising the Chat! piece as "A Page 3 Girl At 52!"; relishing the frankly hilarious, original pun "it takes balls to be a transgender woman." The best part of the transing is getting rid of them. Does he mention this to help us see him as a woman? Just yuck. And fuck off.
I don't know any women who would, with their work face on, engage in Neeves' childish japes about boobs and bollocks.
I certainly can't think of any middle aged women who drop constant double entendres, or giddily swoon at their own cringe-inducing, minor sleaze.
But, Neeves manages: advertising the Chat! piece as "A Page 3 Girl At 52!"; relishing the frankly hilarious, original pun "it takes balls to be a transgender woman." The best part of the transing is getting rid of them. Does he mention this to help us see him as a woman? Just yuck. And fuck off.
It's the same with cutting an infantile, tit-inspired curvy line into his shepherds pie to celebrate his upcoming breast augmentation. Women just don't do this, largely because we've been objectified. Your silicon moobs cannot replicate this Neeves. Just stop. All of it.
The implants were because the tiny scrap of a man was disappointed by his dinky moobs, and getting this addressed was clearly many times more valuable than getting the lower part amended. Obviously. Despite the unbearable dysphoria.
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| This shepherd's pie is, apparently, Neeves speciality. I can't get over how ketchup-red the sauce is |
Today, Neeves clearly holds quite the rage rod towards his sister. It's always seemed to me that men are most driven crazy by someone refusing contact. Maybe because it involves a boundary.
Claire Prosho disowned his sister, while Neeves goes out of his way to publicise what he perceives as his sister's failure to family. He has a video on his blog where he directly addresses her, using her name, even mentioning where she lives. He says she abandoned him because he's trans, but he mentions also she first began drifting away decades before, when she married and religiously converted.
Exchanging cards for Christmas and birthdays was it, until 'Katie' sprung out up from the knicker drawer. But - disaster - sister failed in her familial duties, and did not welcome or affirm!
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| Spot the difference |
Neeves also writes anonymously about his sister in The Metro.
It's so clearly his I wonder exactly he was playing at.
Family estrangement is a complex and private affair, since these relationships go back to childhood. It's easy and often foolish to judge from the outside.
He describes her writing back, 'deliberately' using his 'deadname'. This was triggering "after I had endured such a long and difficult journey to be the real me" (but not enough to rename his business). It was a "new passive-aggressive twist."
So, he explains in his tearful monologue, he sent her a copy of his name change on deed poll.
I'm struggling to understand how this didn't immediately convince her? Surely, this makes him a woman, called Katie?
It's a bit like when a genius identified as Yorkshire Bank PLC Are Fascist Bastards, after he was charged £20 for going less than £10 overdrawn. He went back to the bank, demanding he be addressed as such, in full. You have to take it seriously when people go to the bother and expense.
Anyway, she never wrote back after that.
But this letter was to their mum. It was 2022, not long ago, so she presumably was trying to continue this relationship. If you listened to Neeves, though, you'd think she'd entirely renounced his mother.
.
Within the last couple of months, their elderly mother sadly grew very ill and died. In the weeks before, he put up multiple posts in local Facebook pages, with a picture of his sister as a child, her name, her husband and child's name and details about them. Unquestionably, this was a good thing to do, if he didn't have her address, that is. But he did.
But this letter was to their mum. It was 2022, not long ago, so she presumably was trying to continue this relationship. If you listened to Neeves, though, you'd think she'd entirely renounced his mother.
.Within the last couple of months, their elderly mother sadly grew very ill and died. In the weeks before, he put up multiple posts in local Facebook pages, with a picture of his sister as a child, her name, her husband and child's name and details about them. Unquestionably, this was a good thing to do, if he didn't have her address, that is. But he did.
What's more questionable was his choice to then write this long comment on every one of his posts - even those which garnered no comments.
When a brother who in childhood tapdanced over normal bounds of decency and now tells the world of his revised, but still appalling, version, perhaps the sister wants no contact, and it's not transphobia?
Who knows. Perhaps she's a terrible daughter and rejected her sweet, ailing mother, but I have doubts it isn't his presence she struggles to bear.
We know Neeves abused her boundaries. It's easy to pin things on prejudice.
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